I quit smoking, and I hate you

I quit smoking yesterday, yup, I haven't had a smoke for a day and a half.

I was in a grocery store tonight, and a woman looked at me from the corner of her eye, and I nearly dropped her where she stood. I really need to settle down, I really need a smoke. I fear for the general public right now, I could quite possibly be temporarily insane. I could quite possibly be completely insane. We'll find out soon, I'm sure.

There are many reasons why I want to quit smoking; for my health, for my children's sake, and of course for the seals. The main reason I'm quitting though is because the government makes about $6 a pack in taxes, and I don't want to give those Lieberal dirt-holes one more cent than necessary.

Truth be told, I get my smokes from the wa-wa-Injuns, so I only pay $25 a carton, but still.

If anyone has any tips to help me quit smoking, I'd love to hear them. I don't need any foolish suggestions like ramming my fist up my own ass while juggling chainsaws and drinking tomato juice. Of course I'm talking to you, River Rat.

Linds told me to drink lots of water and orange juice. Fenris told me to chew gum and eat mints. The Lord spoke to me and told me to smite the Galatians. I'll have to think that one over.

Thanks to quitting smoking I'm sure about one thing; with a good tail wind, a small dog can be kicked over 75 feet.

Pray for my soul.