Retirement

I regret to inform my wonderful, hospitable, and caring readership that as of July 31st, Mitchieville will be no more, for I am retiring from the blog circuit.

There are many reasons for my retirement, but mainly in comes down to four points. I am tired, my health is in jeopardy, I need to spend more time with my legitimate children, and I had a nasty fight with Fenris.

I find that I am constantly tired, I am tired of the many countless hours of searching the internets trying to find material to share with you, my insatiable readership. The constant quest for the perfect post has turned me into a bowl of pudding, I have not the energy to continue. I need more sleep, yet I find I cannot sleep, I always worry night and day whether you are happy with my product, I just need some nappy time.

My health has also taken a turn for the worse. It seems that the many zillions of hours staring at a monitor has made me 73% blind in my right eye, and 91% blind in my left eye. If you combine the two percentages, it works out to nearly 83% fully blind in both eyes. My eyes need a break, they need to heal.

All this hard work has taken a toll on my family. I don't spend near enough time with my legitimate children, and when I do, I don't even call them by their real names anymore, I call them by the names that people leave in my comment section. My children aren't named Fenris, Linds, River Rat, Carin, Ed, Dweet, Dave, Mick, Ice Queen or even Sargon, yet this is how I address them. This can't go on, the poor little bastards deserve better.

Finally, I can't go on blogging because of a terrible fight I had with Fenris just the other day. Fenris asked me to take a break from blogging, he saw that I was becoming a shadow of what I once was. He looked at my dry, bloodshot eyes and begged me to take a break, but I yelled profanity at him and them horked in his face, I was half human and half beast, I cannot forgive myself. I'm just lucky Fenris didn't murder me, I had it coming. I am fortunate that he is compassionate, you are lucky to ever have read a word he has written.

So that's it, no more blogging. I know what you're thinking, you're thinking that this is just some attention grab on my part, some stupid ploy to have you beg me to stay on. That's not it at all, I need help. Sure, I can see it now, you'll flood my comment section with kind words, lovely thoughts and generous bribes, sorry, no can do, Padre, the train has left the station.

Fine, go ahead and try to make me stay, try to make me change my mind, I dare you. Do you really think I believe you when you say that Mitchieville is the best blog in the whole wide world? That out of all the blogs on the internets that Mitchieville is the top dog? That if you had a choice between saving your family from a hurricane or reading my blog on a daily basis, that you'd let your family be swept away never to see them again, is that it? Right, I wasn't born yesterday.

I'll miss you, you were like a dysfunctional family to me. You were like the family I never had, nor ever wanted, but through some colossal joke that God played on me, I got. You will be forever in my dreams, and in my prayers. May the sun always shine on you, my faithful and loving readership.

The Mayor