Have I Mentioned How Much I LOVE Cats?

There is someone I know that I have been ga ga over for a long time. We've never hooked up because quite frankly, she has taste. It drives me insane, every time I see her I want to kiss her neck and rub her face and smell her hair and tell her nice things. One thing she hates is when I post nasty things about cats. You see, she loves cats, and me on the other hand, I think cats are evil devices made by the Lord Jesus Christ to annoy people. I've been scolded a few times by her, yet she refuses to spank me, which makes me very sad. Why scold if you don't intend to spank. Some nights I lay awake thinking about her, thinking what would life be like if she was in mine. This too makes me sad, because the chances on that happening are zero to none. I fantasize that we're together and frolicking in a field. She's dressed up as Xena the Princess Warrior, and I'm Thor, the Norse God of Thunder. We have a childish play fight and she kicks me in the head several times until blood runs down my nose, but I laugh at her playfulness, oh how I laugh. Then we get attacked by ancient midget African ninja's and she tries to show me how tough she is by trying to beat every one of them up by herself. At first she does quite well, she beats them all, but just like a movie, they get back up and re-group. She still manages to beat most of them up until one of the ninja's gets a lucky shot in and sends her to the ground like a sack of old potatoes. They jump on top of her and start dry humping her, which makes me go insane. I look to the Heavens and summon all the power of the great God that I am, and send a thunderbolt down which strikes every one of them and cuts them in half. Xena gets up and runs towards me, we embrace and have sex right on the spot, oblivious to the cows and sheep that are standing directly over us. God she's hot.

So I want to make things up to you, my little apple dumpling, I want you to forgive me about all the bad cat references. I want you to watch this 45 second movie and think to yourself, this is what my man Thor wants to do to me.