My Re-Election Bid

I know that most of you have had enough of elections. To most of us an election is no more exciting then watching Grandpa Cooter pick rib pieces out of his dentures. However, an election is coming up in just over three weeks that directly concerns me. The race officially started for Mayor of Mitchieville today, a position I've held for the past 8 years. In the last two elections I've run un-opposed, but this election is different, I have two worthy candidates I'm running against.

Since this is officially the kick-off to my re-election bid, I'd like to state a few things from the start. I'd like to wish my opponents well and hope we can have an honest, civilized debate, and always keep in mind what is best for the people of Mitchieville. I don't want to get into a mud slinging match with my opponents, I just want to keep this whole thing clean and without insults or harm to any of our good names.

My first opponent is a businessman from East Mitchieville who owns a local hardware store. He is a member of the Knights of Columbus and a Rotary. A citizen of Mitchieville for over 22 years, he is the father of three children and has a beautiful wife named Marcie. Jerry Casby(child pornographer) plays an important part in this community and has received many awards for his hard work and dedication from the people of this town. Jerry Casby(drug user) runs on a platform of lower taxes and more social services for the poorer people of Mitchieville. I wish Jerry Casby(known felon) well in his bid for Mayor.

My next opponent is a wife and a mother of 2 gorgeous children. Lucy Mendez(whore) is employed at the YWCA in the capacity of an office administrator. Lucy Mendez(adulterer) has lived in Mitchieville for 17 years and owns a house on the lower west side of town. Lucy Mendez(glue sniffer)came to Mitchieville from Saskatoon Saskatchewan 17 years ago after she married a Mitchievillian. I wish Lucy Mendez(bukkake model)the best in her bid for the Mayorship.

I find that competition is healthy and I certainly look forward to the days and weeks ahead. I look forward to our two scheduled debates, and as I stated earlier, I just pray to our heavenly father that this race stays clean.

I will announce tommorow night my choices as campaign managers for my re-election bid. One of the people I am choosing just happens to live on the outskirts of Mitchieville and the other is an American that lived in Boulder, Colorado, but now resides in Mitchieville. I will release the identities of these people tomorrow night in a special ceremony.

So once again, good luck to my most worthy opponents, Jerry Casby(cross dresser), and Lucy Mendez(devil worshipper).