Tori Spelling--9021 0h My God She's Ugly

Tori Spelling was a Pussycat Doll last weekend, whatever that means exactly I have no idea. I do know this though: If Tori Spelling was an item on a Subway sub sandwich board, with Steak sub being the best and Tuna sub being the worst, Tori would rank three spaces below the obscure Dog Shit sub. That's the sub that has sink cloggings as a special topping. Look at the head on that horse, I don't know if I can buy that she was a Pussycat Doll for a weekend, but if someone told me she was the opening act at the Save the Tranny Foundation Gala, then yes, I'd buy it hook, line and sinker.

Tori Spelling Pregnant, Ugly

Most women that are pregnant have a certain glow about them, Tori Spelling isn't one of them. There are times when having a child will batter and wreck a woman's body, Tori already had an insurmountable lead by the time some blind/insane sperm donator implanted his dummy seed in her ugly-hole. Haha, ugly-hole. I could hardly imagine waking up to that face full of scary, but if I did, I would take the bed sheet that she's using as a teddy, form it into a noose and hang myself. I'd like to say I'd hang her, but rafters only carry so much weight.

Blame Tyler Durden for the pic

Tori Spelling, the Bobblehead, is Pregnant!

Okay, brace yourselves! Are you sitting down? I have some potentially devastating news for all of mankind. Tori Spelling is reportedly pregnant.
Sometimes I think it should actually require some brain power to have sex, then stupid people wouldn't be able to reproduce and the world would be a much safer place.

Tori looks like a bobble-head doll, with a rack so big I am surprised she doesn't fall over. If she had any brains, she would have taken some of her father's millions and spent it on plastic surgery to reconstruct her face. Is she not aware that when you are a size 0, huge boobs just look unnatural, then again maybe she did it to offset her gigantic noggin. Most likely she did it to divert attention away from her face.

Let's recap her last year, married Charlie Shanian in July of 2004, began filming "Mind Over Murder" and an affair with co-star Dean McDermott in July 2005. Then left her husband for also married co-star Dean in November 2005 and became engaged to Dean by December and is now married and pregnant, Summer 2006.

What is with these Hollywood tramps that make them think it is okay to break up marriages for their own personal gain? Maybe she was just trying to follow the trend already established by Britney Spears, Julia Roberts and Angelina Jolie. The "I'm so pretty and special I deserve the whole world to let me have what I want and then bless my home-wrecking ass" attitude.

Whatever Princess!

Reported by Special Agent Nikita

Tori Spelling--Hide Your Eyes

Sorry to freak you out, but I wanted to show you the picture I use to scare the skunks away from my garbage.

I tried everything to keep the skunks away from my garbage, I tried spraying the bags with pepper, I tried putting the garbage bags in large, heavy garbage cans, but they still ripped the lids off and ate the refuse. It seemed as if nothing was going to work, that is, until I taped a picture of Tori Spelling to my garbage bags. I haven't seen a skunk around those filthy bags for over a month!

There is one drawback though, now the garbagemen won't pick up my trash anymore.