On the campaign trail

At election time especially, the personal lives of the participants on the stage are constantly under scrutiny. The people want to know who these people are having sex with, are fascinated by what and who they eat, pay close attention to what they wear, how they transport themselves and also sniff out past sins. Never let it be said that Lisa Foggy ignores the will of the masses. With the help of my obedient servant Sargon the Magnificent, I have done my research and now have some shocking news to share with inquiring minds. It is up to the accused to disprove these most truthful allegations.

Let us begin with Mitch who will soon be dethroned if the latest opinion polls are to be trusted and I have no reason to doubt them as I am the favoured candidate in each and every one. The Mayor has clearly been having sex with his constituents. If you doubt it, just look at your raising property tax bills and the latest edition of the National Enquirer. Mitch also eats more than he admits is in his lunch bag. The little Danish Girl's cats have been missing for well over a month, as are many of the neighbour's feline friends. The National Enquirer has footage of Mitch with fur on his lips. That cardigan he has been wearing is covered with cat hair as is his private bulletproof float that he uses to move around Mitchieville.

Fenris Badwulf is a ruthless telemarketer and obviously not to be trusted with your daughters, wives, pets and / or money. He is the type of man who will interrupt your dinner to ask for your credit card number. More chilling still, Sargon has produced conclusive proof that Fenris is the mastermind behind the Maple Leaf listeria outbreak. If you doubt this, you only need to recall what Fenris promises to do in a total state of war.

As for Todd, we don't know much about him because he lives in Australia. If you have ever rented an apartment from a landlord that lives in another city, then you know all there is to know about Todd. You pay your rent, but get a leaky, moldy living space in return.

Me, I am squeaky clean. My boots are polished, my long hair is combed and neatly tucked away, my kitchen is clean, and my agenda is on the table.

Vote for change you can trust in. Vote Lisa Foggy on October 14th. Change is just around the corner. I promise.