The Opposition

Election in Mitchieville, eh? I, Fenris Badwulf, come to you not to slag my opponents, but to praise them.


I have nothing but respect for what's his name, 'The Mayor'. Recently married, he was stricken with tragedy, rendering him incapable of pleasing women, in a heteronormative sense. This on top of not having hair. You have to admire his struggle to keep his dignity in public, let alone the challenge of incontenence. He forgets things, but never the names of his legitimate children.

Lisa has a personal sex slave called Yumm-Yumm. I celebrate the hard won freedom of women to have personal sex slaves. Infact, if you read my campaign literature, you will see (under Immigration) that I advocate that all citizens have personal sex slaves, along with inside house workers and outside field hands.

Who is this Todd guy? A close mutual friend tells me that he is considering dropping out of the race to run a franchise bed and breakfast in Thailand. A great loss to Mitchieville if this happens, Todd. But this shows what an astute business man he is, who puts the health and safety of his family first. And if he happens to take the next flight out to Bangkok (the tickets are in the manila envelope marked 'Lead or Silver' in the top right drawer of your dresser in your bedroom, Todd, along with $10,000 in cash) I can understand. Todd is a friend of labor, too. The driver waiting outside in the Lincoln Continental to take him to the airport is a member of the Canadian Auto Workers. The driver has a torpedo tattooed over his right eye, and a stainless steel bicuspid.


I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.