Horoscope for the week of September 22, 2008

Romance is in the air with all those planets in Libra. Just wait till they get into Scorpio! But that is another horoscope for another week. Your banishing spells will get hijacked into matters of love and romance. The cat will get pregnant, just for spite.

Aries: You will win the lottery! Despite being opposed in various small ways, by children being childish, and by silly people acting out road rage, you will prosper this week. Your lawyer is dragging his feet, is he not? A strong woman will channel your energies.

Taurus: No amount of food you eat this week will make you fat; in fact, you will lose weight while refining your taste for the better sorts of food. Indeed, Taurus is in the barn, and it is full of fresh, tasty straw. You will find a new lover, and your seduction will be expedited by something to do with shoes.

Gemini: You get to watch three interesting things: a married man seducing a woman who should know better, a child developing equilibrium, and a woman (perhaps the same being seduced) perfecting. Not bad things for you, word wise Gemini.

Cancer: The life force moves in all its manifestations in your life this week. A single taste will evoke a full meal, and those that you bless by inviting to your table can share in your blessing. You may find small children a bother, and two lovers will have eyes only for each other, even as they share your salt.

Leo: If you can, reflect upon the relationships around you. One is developing, one is strengthening, and one is ending. That is three, and they are all around you, at work, in public places, and one in a place of sadness. There are three letters coming to you in your correspondence, too.

Virgo: Invest a sensible pair of shoes, or even better, do some maintenance on them. If you have boots, polish them. The effort you place in that which grounds you to the earth will make you stronger in proportion to your effort. Hurry!

Libra: You are the center of attention this week. You will face contention, children, and the attention of a suitor. Not too bad, Libra. And, if you study closely, you will discover that your suitor wears a uniform.

Scorpio: Boy, you sure do know how to complicate your life, O Scorpion. Children, women, and men all are burbling in your house of secrets. But that is nothing new. These secrets you can discover if you look into a mirror and let them talk to you. You know what I mean.

Sagittarius: You have turned your back on a happiness. You silly goose. I even checked my sources three times, so of this I am sure. Not everybody is as rational and sensible as you, but they might know something you do not. You will be complimented on your shoes.

Capricorn: A legal matter will be resolved to your advantage. You might feel guilty about this, or perhaps shame, but then again, you are Capricorn and these small blessings have not come into your clutches too often. Learn a new poem, a short one, and commit it to memory.

Aquarius: Gather around the banner of the right, and I mean goodness and light. Try to avoid turning left. You just might witness something that brings back to you memories of your first love.

Pisces: You could teach a thing or two to Otto von Bismarck. He is listening. And as for the delights of your domestic tasks, or your artistic pursuits, let them give you a warm feeling in your heart. You will inspire many this week, at least three people. One is a lost soul, one is a person developing equilibrium, and one is a student of ... Otto von Bismarck. Neat, eh?

I, Sargon the Magnificent, wrote this.

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