Squirrel Fights 2008--Round Deux

This is the night that very few of you have been waiting for. The results from last week's pay-per-view came in, and Squirrel fights was narrowly beaten in the ratings by Elk Fights. Damn you to hell, Fox Sports, damn you to hell!

Good evening folks, I am your announcer, The Mayor of Mitchieville. We have a fantastic fight lined up for you tonight. Kolonel Kill is up against Igor the Russian Drunk (IRD). I predicted yesterday that if IRD shows up anyways sober, this is going to be a real barn-burner of a tussle.

The fighters are making their way to the pillowcase. KK struts out with his manager, the Godless Commie. KK is looking rather cocky, he's really got a determined look and walk about him. He is obviously is fine shape, his biceps are busting out of his squirrel arms. Literally. And truth be told, that's a rather sickening site. Put on a shirt, you rat bastard!

And it looks like IRD is also making his way to the see-through pillowcase. Oh my, he does not look good. He is holding a mickey of Smirnoff in his left hand and a cabana in his right. He does not look in good shape, he's, well, kind of fucked-up looking. This will not end well.

I take you now to our ring announcer, Michelle Buffet. "Ladies and gentlemen and children of all ages--let's get ready to watch some blood shed!!"

Seriously, that is a terrible announcement.

Fenris has put both squirrels in the see-through pillowcase and we're nearly ready to begin. The bell sounds and Fenris shakes the pillowcase, the fight has begun.

KK wastes no time and head butts IRD. There is already a trickle of blood coming from the mouth of IRD. KK barrels in on IRD and kicks him in the pills. IRD is not fighting back, he seems stunned--and wasted. KK scratches IRD's face and pounds him with a series of lefts and rights. This is a lopsided fight, Fenris is looking closely at IRD, I wonder if he intends to stop it?

KK roundhouses IRD in the head, knocking him half-out. The blood is flowing fast and furious from the head of IRD, this will not last long. KK gives Igor another series of punches and scratches and it looks like he's setting IRD up for his patented move: The bazooka shot to the face!

KK lines IRD up, loads his bazooka and....oh my sweet Lord in the heavens above, IRD just puked in KK's face. KK goes down, it looks like the acid in Igor's barf has blinded KK. KK drops to the bottom of the pillowcase and is trembling. Igor, in his drunken stupor is now lying on top on KK. What a turn of events. Igor is now laying right on KK's face, he can't breathe... Fenris, stop the fight, KK is....oh boy. Dead.

I can't believe my beautiful green eyes. I have never seen anything like this before in my life. Well, actually I've seen something like this a few times, but nothing EXACTLY like this.

The winner, at 2 minutes and 14 seconds of the first round--by death...Igor the Russian Drunk.

That was truly amazing. That's it for the second round of Squirrel Fights, I hope you have enjoyed it. This is graphic violence at its finest. Oh ya.

Tune in next Monday night to see who the next two combatants will be. I'm The Mayor of Mitchieville, wishing you and yours, and theirs, a great evening.