Salt Shakers Due For Major Overhaul

Worried about the amount of salt their constituents are using, at least six councils in England have done away with the typical 17 hole salt shakers and have introduced a 5 hole salt shaker. No, seriously:

They decided that the five-hole pots would reduce the amount of salt being used by more than 60 per cent yet give a ‘visually acceptable sprinkling’ that would satisfy the customer.

The council commissioned Drywite Ltd – a catering equipment company based in the West Midlands – to make five-hole shakers and bought 1,000 of them at a cost of £2,000, giving them away to fast-food outlets in their areas.

‘We believe the cost to be a small price to pay for potentially saving lives.’

I, too, want my constituents to live a long, healthy life while still enjoying a visually acceptable sprinkling. Therefore, effective immediately, all restaurants in Mitchieville must switch from the 17 hole salt shaker to the 1 hole salt shaker. If cutting back from 17 holes to 5 holes reduces salt intake by 60%, then cutting back from 17 holes to 1 hole will cut salt intake by 93.423%. Not only will there be a 1 hole salt shaker maximum, but from here on in, the salt hole will be reduced in size by 84%. This will reduce salt intake even further to an impressive 96.759%. To make sure that my constituents aren't giving themselves an unacceptable sprinkling, salt police will patrol the various restaurants in Mitchieville making sure everyone conforms to proper salting techniques.

If you are not aware of what the proper salting technique consists of, please visit one of the many Salting Technique Workshops that are available throughout Mitchieville. For more information, please visit www.lesssaltinmyshaker.com or you can write directly to the new Salt Commissar, dmorris.

The salt of the earth