Telemarketing, Darwin, and the Food Crisis

One of my earliest, fondest memories of being in telemarketing management was that happy day when a staff member came to me and begged for his job. He fell to his knees and burst into tears. He confessed that he was a lousy telemarketer, but that he needed only another week of employment to be eligible for Unemployment Assistance. I felt good watching this person strip himself of the last shreds of human dignity, and crawl like a worm. A great way to start a Monday.

An important aspect of telemarketing management is crushing the human spirit and moulding the remaining dross into a crisp, obedient machine that generates credit card numbers with flying fingers and a forked tongue. In this, like most progressives, I look to Darwin as my spiritual mentor. He is my guide in my social engineering experiments upon the human souls under my care.

Survival of the fittest means competition, with survival as the reward for the winners, and extinction for the losers. There is also the sexual aspect of Darwin to be considered. Using sexual rewards is a powerful incentive in telemarketing, both positive and negative. And in this way, telemarketing management can reward success and punish failure. Take the crawling excuse of a human being in the first paragraph, for example. If he had enough spine to crawl like a jellyfish to beg for his job, then he had the fighting spirit needed to be a successful telemarketer working for Fenris Badwulf. As a telemarketing manager, I needed to social engineer his personality up from subhuman. Of course, as is common in telemarketing, I forced him to perform oral sex upon his shift supervisor.

It was a long week for ‘Mouthwash Ron’. Every time someone else made a sale, he was dragged into my office to reward the fittest, and give him something to contemplate as he did his dials. He gargled Listerine, while his more successful co-workers snickered, made lip licking motions, or just went outside for a relaxing smoke.

And then, that magic day arrived: Tuesday. After only a few sessions of forced, non-consensual sex in a workplace environment with the knowledge and consent of management, ‘Mouthwash Ron’ closed a sale. I take all the credit. My shift supervisors were impressed. It was a glorious victory for non-Christian morality, Darwinian selection, and social engineering!

Since then, things have greatly improved in telemarketing, much as the gap between the rich and poor is constantly widening but never enough to actually be noticeable to any except those that derive a living from talking about it. Leather bondage gear is freely available for use in employee training. Management can become proficient in sadism. Even a cursory study of the Pride parade can plant a rich harvest of inspiration.

Inspired by Darwin, working in the refreshing vacuum of the absence of Christian morality, we can raise up those who are the losers in the struggle to survive to become useful, somehow, to those that snap the whip and call the tune about who gets which handout.

This, finally, like a long, hard, sweaty management session with a new hire, leads to the Food Crisis. I am confident that our Darwin inspired progressive social engineers will find a satisfying solution to the problem. One that slides over opposition, and penetrates to the warm interior of the problem. Progressive telemarketers do it all the time. Slow or fast, soft or hard, no problem can escape the final solution of post-Christian Darwinianism.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

Xpd Mitchieville, DustMyBroom, TheStormyDaysOfMarch