The Year of the Rat Offensive
As you read this, a Canadian Luftwaffe parachute unit has rescued Conrad Black from American oppression.
Five hundred paras swept down on the unprepared American security apparatus. An adjacent highway was secured as a landing strip for heavy air transports. The nearby fascist American military base was neutralized with mustard gas. To create an atmosphere of chaos in order to disrupt the hated Americans communications, three civilian areas were slammed with air strikes. Looting was encouraged. A Jedburgh * unit of American traitors activated and sabotaged the local State police.
American response has been sluggish, in keeping with their corrupt and decadent capitalist social structure. Our ambassador to the UN has been given an e-mail. Conrad burned a copy of it in his escape helicopter to light a Cuban cigar.
The former inmates of the prison have been liberated from American oppression! They have been given weapons, food, and medical supplies. As we speak they are expressing outrage over inadequate social spending.
Conrad Black has been safely returned to the sacred soils of our multi-cultural Village Peoples Republic.
He will be rehabilitated according to Canadian Law: he has been released on bail pending notification by mail of his next mutually acceptable timed meeting between His Press Agent and Our Press. He has been placed under the careful scrutiny of our Parole Agency: he has been given a pistol, so he can fit in with his peers.
His location must remain a secret. But, my fellow Canadians, he is safe. Safe behind a mountain fortress of granite, girdled with ring of underground factories, haloed by suburbs of hard working workers, working to make more weapons, more often. Listen to ground shake as our mobilizing industrial might prepares fresh attacks on the hated American foe.
In order to show our good faith, Canada has established training camps for Anti-American saboteurs and partisans based on the legacy of Colonel Robert Rogers *. Here, illegal immigrants, criminals, and Canada’s finest Infantry Officers, work as a team to create Insurgent cadre. There are fifteen thousand waiting to go over the border, and two hundred in place.
Let this motivate you tonight as you prepare air raid precautions before you go to your bed. Think of all the money we have saved by not having air raid defences for our civilian population. Our tradition of The Free Press is safe. All journalists and Main Stream Media have been evacuated to places of safety, beyond the reach of vengeful American large and heavy attack aircraft. No doubt a few American pilots are looking at the latest photos of so-called ‘war atrocities’ …
While you listen for the air raid sirens … well, actually, they were sold for scrap to fund homeless shelters by Mayor Miller only last year … some evil, heteronormative American pilot is looking at the fresh off the wires photos of the slaughtered children from our air strike on some nursery school. He probably has little children of his own. The same age. Same little cute blue jumper. Is he really making decisions based on values, and not emotions? I think not. He is allowing his anger to influence his decisions. Is this the sort of person that should be responsible for all those tons of ranged, accurate weapons, slung under that fast and powerful war bird hurtling towards your plywood split level or termite mound apartment building? This proves that America is wrong, and that you have nothing to fear morally from aerial bombardment, because the UN would agree with you. When this is all over, he is going to feel bad. If you get hit by the first wave of air strikes, you are being victimized!
Have a nice next 24 hours.
Cross posted from DustMyBroom an alternate headquarters whose commands you should obey.
Five hundred paras swept down on the unprepared American security apparatus. An adjacent highway was secured as a landing strip for heavy air transports. The nearby fascist American military base was neutralized with mustard gas. To create an atmosphere of chaos in order to disrupt the hated Americans communications, three civilian areas were slammed with air strikes. Looting was encouraged. A Jedburgh * unit of American traitors activated and sabotaged the local State police.
American response has been sluggish, in keeping with their corrupt and decadent capitalist social structure. Our ambassador to the UN has been given an e-mail. Conrad burned a copy of it in his escape helicopter to light a Cuban cigar.
The former inmates of the prison have been liberated from American oppression! They have been given weapons, food, and medical supplies. As we speak they are expressing outrage over inadequate social spending.
Conrad Black has been safely returned to the sacred soils of our multi-cultural Village Peoples Republic.
He will be rehabilitated according to Canadian Law: he has been released on bail pending notification by mail of his next mutually acceptable timed meeting between His Press Agent and Our Press. He has been placed under the careful scrutiny of our Parole Agency: he has been given a pistol, so he can fit in with his peers.
His location must remain a secret. But, my fellow Canadians, he is safe. Safe behind a mountain fortress of granite, girdled with ring of underground factories, haloed by suburbs of hard working workers, working to make more weapons, more often. Listen to ground shake as our mobilizing industrial might prepares fresh attacks on the hated American foe.
In order to show our good faith, Canada has established training camps for Anti-American saboteurs and partisans based on the legacy of Colonel Robert Rogers *. Here, illegal immigrants, criminals, and Canada’s finest Infantry Officers, work as a team to create Insurgent cadre. There are fifteen thousand waiting to go over the border, and two hundred in place.
Let this motivate you tonight as you prepare air raid precautions before you go to your bed. Think of all the money we have saved by not having air raid defences for our civilian population. Our tradition of The Free Press is safe. All journalists and Main Stream Media have been evacuated to places of safety, beyond the reach of vengeful American large and heavy attack aircraft. No doubt a few American pilots are looking at the latest photos of so-called ‘war atrocities’ …
While you listen for the air raid sirens … well, actually, they were sold for scrap to fund homeless shelters by Mayor Miller only last year … some evil, heteronormative American pilot is looking at the fresh off the wires photos of the slaughtered children from our air strike on some nursery school. He probably has little children of his own. The same age. Same little cute blue jumper. Is he really making decisions based on values, and not emotions? I think not. He is allowing his anger to influence his decisions. Is this the sort of person that should be responsible for all those tons of ranged, accurate weapons, slung under that fast and powerful war bird hurtling towards your plywood split level or termite mound apartment building? This proves that America is wrong, and that you have nothing to fear morally from aerial bombardment, because the UN would agree with you. When this is all over, he is going to feel bad. If you get hit by the first wave of air strikes, you are being victimized!
Have a nice next 24 hours.
Cross posted from DustMyBroom an alternate headquarters whose commands you should obey.
posted by Fenris Badwulf at 6:10 PM
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