Jiggly Bank Robber On The Loose

Toronto police are on the lookout for a bank robber that struck three times yesterday in a matter of 90 minutes. The police have a pretty good description of who they are looking for:

Although victims initially suspected that a man who robbed three banks within 90 minutes yesterday was wearing a fat suit as a disguise, police today say the man really is a fat guy.

"We don't believe it's a fat suit," Det. Russ Fairey told thestar.com today.

"We just think he is fat."

Police believe the "fat bandit" has pulled more than the three bank heists and the violence has been escalating.

If you think his violence has been escalating up to this point, wait until he reads the Red Star and finds out he's been labeled the fat bandit.

If this guy had any self-confidence issues before today, I would think that right about now he's contemplating going vertical on his wrists with a razor. Can it get any worse when the cops, even in this day of political correctness, nickname you the fat bandit? It couldn't be worse if the cops named him the Cock Wart Bandit. All the years of building up sufficient street cred, washed away by two little words.

This is a hold up, put all your donuts in this bag...