The Global Warming Mystery Unfolds

Some 3,000 scientific robots that measure ocean temperature, have sent a message back to NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory: the oceans are not heating up--and smoking is actually good for you, Okay, scrap that last part about the smoking:

This is puzzling in part because here on the surface of the Earth, the years since 2003 have been some of the hottest on record. But Josh Willis at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory says the oceans are what really matter when it comes to global warming.

In fact, 80 percent to 90 percent of global warming involves heating up ocean waters. They hold much more heat than the atmosphere can.

Since the system was fully deployed in 2003, it has recorded no warming of the global oceans.

"There has been a very slight cooling, but not anything really significant," Willis says.

No wonder I can't give away these carbon credits on Seventh Avenue.

Interesting and damning evidence, but maybe there is more to this than meets the eye:

One possibility is that the sea has, in fact, warmed and expanded — and scientists are somehow misinterpreting the data from the diving buoys.

I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time that 3000 highly calibrated NASA temperature robots lied. I'm sure it happens all the time.

What else?

It's also possible that some of the heat has gone even deeper into the ocean, he says.

Or it's possible that scientists need to correct for some other feature of the planet they don't know about.

It's also possible that billions of heat emitting zombies that comb the ocean floor decided to leave and go back to their planet, thus cooling the ocean, if only for a brief time.

It's also possible that global warming is the biggest farce since Bre-X, or disco, or the Muppets Invade Manhattan movie. But as I say, I still believe in it, after all, I have like 50 trillion carbon credits waiting to be sold.

Fentris, get the telemarketers ready, we have carbon credits to sell!