Yahoo Personals Interpreted

It's that time again. What time is *that time*, you ask? It's *that time*, you know, the time where I do that thing with the *you know what* right before I cram it into *You know where*. Aha, you have finally clued in, that's so wonderful.

Tonight is the night when I interpret an actual Yahoo Personal Ad. Someone once told me that people tend to misrepresent themselves when they are trying to snag a significant other whilst searching the personal ads. I was shocked to hear that, could this be true? I had to look into it myself, and what I found was disturbing. What's next, will blog writers start lying, too?

I have below in bold type, an actual Yahoo Personal ad of a young man. You can see the ad yourself, that is the beauty of not being blind. I will take said ad and interpret it the way that I--A professional online personal ad whisperer--actually sees and knows what the person is thinking and what he is like. Let's have a boo:

Just wanted to try this thing out to see how well it works...so here i go. I am a fun-loving, hard working, jovial natured person. Even though I'm jovial by nature, I can be just as serious at other times. I'm a native of New Orleans and i love getting out and doing different things. I enjoy going to the movies, eating out at different restaurants, traveling, spending time with family and friends and just doing things that makes me happy. I enjoy life! And yes, i can cook too...it's a New Orleans thing. I am very ambitious and is very passionate about life too. I work a lot so i value my time. Just as hard as I work, I make time for play too. A balance life is a key ingredient i was once told. Happiness and a peace of mind is very important to me too. So, if I sound like someone you would be interested in, stop by and say hello. I keep the light on for you. Cheers.

I am from New Orleans, therefore, I am as crooked as a British nanny's front teeth. I do indeed value many things, however, grammar and spelling aren't on that list. I enjoy life, but I also enjoy death. You will find out which one I like more after we date a few times. I smell of Colt 45 and I hooch pot through an old chocolate milk container. My friends call me *Rubby* and most of my jeans have a small urine stain where my left testicle use to hang before it got bit off by Marcella the $2 crack whore.

I don't know why, but I like to punch myself in the stomach while singing show tunes. I have three more toes than fingers, and my thumbs face backwards. I like to cook. I like to travel. I like small sentences. I don't care what you like. I don't even care what you look like. Basically you should just give me your PIN#, no use losing blood over a few dollarz, byatch. My tears taste like puddle water.