Horoscope for the week of February 24, 2008

Aries: Something secret is going on. You will have full understanding of what the secret is in twelve days from the moment you read this. Now that you have the heads up, but not enough details, you can put your crafty little Aries brain to work on out thinking the unknown. Put off the bank robbery until after.

Taurus: Nothing much happens this week except in your imagination. This is going to cut into your quality barn and pasture time, Taurus. But only in your head. Shake the bumblebee from that curl on your forehead (which every Taurus, even the bald ones, have), and stop thinking about the sting which has not stung, but the rather tasty blend of timothy and hay before your face.

Gemini: Throw off the chains. Better yet, cast off your busy brained worry about casting off the chains. I could never tell a Gemini that they think too much, but since you do not have all the facts, well, your analysis is bunkum. Anyway, by midweek you will have cause for enthusiasm, confidence, and use of your creative force.

Cancer: When you win the lottery this week, you will not realize it until several days after the actual dropping of the balls. And, you will have to share your wheelbarrow of money with others. Other than that, you will learn a new trick to making roast beef.

Leo: A dirty peasant with fleas will ooze jealousy over your good looks, stellar wit, and superior breeding. Winning is good, but you have to step on a few faces to get there. Polish your shoes.

Virgo: Somebody is changing jobs. Actually, someone is going to walk the plank. And you get to prod them down the plank with your sharp sword of reasonable reason. Try not to gloat until after the bubbles stop bubbling on the surface.

Libra: Seeking equilibrium does not mean being at equilbrium. You will be pulled in a direction opposite to whatever is presented. Which is not much fun as you rather like the rather large bag of 'substance' being presented. So, take advantage of the law of opposites and make war if you want peace.

Scorpio: Hiding the fact that you have won the lottery three times in a single day will be a test of your legendary cool and aplomb. You do not want the lottery people muttering 'what, you again', now do you? Between the office pool ticket, your personal impulsive purchase ticket, and the one your sweetheart gave you as part of a kinky sex ritual, well, your accountant will be busy. Consider investing in platinum.

Sagittarius: A great burden is lifted off your shoulders when you meet with two men regarding a material matter. One will be a Freemason. The other is a member of the Golden Dawn. They will not talk about their membership in these secret societies. And, do not ask either. Unless you want to join.

Capricorn: You return from behind the Iron Curtain. Ah, and in your possession is the secret that many seek, and not a soul realizes that you have it. Zip your lip. It will not be until next week (or longer) that this rather delightful seed is first planted and then grows to a crop of diamonds and doubloons. Check on the current price for Confederate money. It is trading above face value.

Aquarius: Word comes to you of the victory of another. This will fill you with that warm contentment that comes from reading about battles long ago while sitting on the beach with a icy drink in a cooler.

Pisces: You have a secret admirer. This one can swim in the water and pad about on land, (but cannot fly) in a metaphorical sense. And this one is not the one (er, three) that you already know about. Listen for whispers in the library stacks.

I, Sargon the Magnificent, wrote this.