Ice Returns To Greenland

Residents of Manhattan: Everything is okay, the ice caps are not melting. Please resume your regular business (of being rude and arrogant)--

On Disko Bay in western Greenland, where a number of prominent world leaders have visited in recent years to get a first-hand impression of climate change, temperatures have dropped so drastically that the water has frozen over for the first time in a decade.

'The ice is up to 50cm thick,' said Henrik Matthiesen, an employee at Denmark's Meteorological Institute who has also sailed the Greenlandic coastline for the Royal Arctic Line. 'We've had loads of northerly winds since Christmas which has made the area miserably cold.'

Matthiesen suggested the cold weather marked a return to the frigid temperatures common a decade ago.

Temperatures plunged to -25°C earlier this month, clogging the bay with ice and making shipping impossible for small crafts, according to Anthon Frederiksen, the mayor of the town of Ilulissat, where Disko Bay is located.

'We Greenlanders have acclimated to changing conditions over the past 1100 years,' said Frederiksen. 'Temperatures change at regular intervals.'

Wow, it has really been a bad month for environmentalists, politician's, celebrities and conspiracy theorists: This month we found out that Bird Flu is basically a load of shit, we have enough oil to last us for the next zillion years, and now we find out that the ice caps are not in fact retracting.

What next, Africa isn't being ravished by AIDS? Oh, right.

The best ice-cap is a Tim Horton's Ice-Cap