Nicholas Cage's Son Or The Missing Link?

Nicolas Cage's 16-year-old son, Weston Coppola Cage, is a walking corpse. Although, to be fair, it must be hard for him to walk around, especially since he is a hunchback and has to climb church towers to ring that blasted bell every day. If Nicholas is looking for a perfect gift for his son for Christmas, I would suggest getting him a pentagram, or a hooded cape, or even a bucket of goats blood. I'm starting to think the mother of this beast might be Amy Winehouse. Or Kelli Osborne. Or the devil. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go bite the head off a bat.