Right, Left, and the Wolfpack (1)
Collectivism is shown once again to be superior to the outmoded reactionary philosophy of Individualism, thanks to Telemarketing, Teamwork, and the inspired leadership of Fenris Badwulf.Even low and no profit enterprises can enjoy the revitalization that comes with a telemarketing campaign. Like a jolt of electricity to a sluggish zombie, telemarketing brings in revenue, fast, when you need it, even in your last moments.
Toronto: The Journal of Invasive Brain Surgery (called JIBS for short) was dying. The current fad in medical ethics considered invasive brain surgery to be 'bad'. The Neuro-Surgical establishment did not embrace a diversty of viewpoints when it came to the addition or subtraction of brain bits, let alone experiments in augmentation, brain-computer interfacing, or simple one-shot bolt on accessories. Instead, this prestigious journal was suffering from indifference. Nobody but a bunch of egg heads was reading it. However, any researcher approved for publication could expect somewhere between ten to a hundred million in funding, based on the reputation of the JIBS.
JIBS was targeted for telemarketing action by the steering committee of the Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence. Under the visionary guidance of Fenris Badwulf, a team was assembled to infiltrate this publication and assume command and control functions. The hidden agenda was to allow easier and greater access to research money to scientists who had been sidelined up to now. Their research was of personal interest to the stakeholders at a number of profit making and tax paying entities, such as the Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence and its corporate master, Mars-Vulcan Heavy Industries. No more would these gifted scientists be refused research money because of 'ethics' or 'morality'.
The marketing satrap at JIBS was identified, studied, and then converted to our cause: A retired neuro-surgical nurse ... she had been given the marketing job when her hands got too shaky; a post which she has held for some twenty two years now. Bribery being out of the question, cherry chocolate cheesecake, elegantly garnished with laudanum * soon had the marketing department under our control. This allowed us to sign a telemarketing services contract, copies of which were never given to the board of trustees of JIBS.
The full phone power of the Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence was unleashed on this campaign. Instead of selling JIBS proper (admittedly a dull and over wordy publication with too many words requiring training in organic chemistry and too few illustrations of curvy breasts), it was decided to sell the membership list to interested parties. This was a list of the private cell phones and private home numbers of the top ten thousand neurosurgeons on the planet earth. They were easy prey. Top selling items included golf shoe cleat cleaner, Che Guevara surgical slippers, and some bait and switch tours to 'Florence' (Saskatchewan).
After two months, with twenty five percent of the revenue of JIBS now coming from circulation, and fifty percent from advertising, it was only reasonable that the telemarketing and advertising departments have a voice in editorial policy. Few of the decision makers of the JIBS board were present to vote on this important development; instead, they were watching a Blue Jays game at the Skydome in the Mayor's personal box. They were given the full whiskey and whores hospitality that Toronto is famous for. Pictures were taken surreptitously of various debauched acts of intercoupled neurosurgeon-prostitute couples, to ensure co-operation later.
There are two publications now running under the JIBS title. The older title is a boring neurosurgical journal, with circulation under a thousand, and insignifigant tax and postage liabilities. The newer is the hottest soft porn glossy, featuring curvy breasts, teasing hard nipples, slappable ass, as well as some diversionary violence, chromy car stuff, and pictures of food that other people can sell you if you are hungry. Currently, the new JIBS is moving through the economy without having to pay tax or postage, although we do collect it. We just keep it for ourselves, being responsible collectivists. Placed side by side, the old beside the new, nobody can tell that, for tax and postage purposes, they are the same thing.
... to be continued
Stay tuned for the second part of this post, which describes the exciting areas of invasive brain surgery now being researched thanks to the telemarketing infiltration and take over.
I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this at both Mitchieville and DustMyBroom.
Not everyone relies on astrology for financial advice. Maybe it is time for you to join up with the Journal of Invasive Brain Surgery and share in this money making opportunity. Do you hear that sound? That is the sound of opportunity knocking. Send me your money.
Toronto: The Journal of Invasive Brain Surgery (called JIBS for short) was dying. The current fad in medical ethics considered invasive brain surgery to be 'bad'. The Neuro-Surgical establishment did not embrace a diversty of viewpoints when it came to the addition or subtraction of brain bits, let alone experiments in augmentation, brain-computer interfacing, or simple one-shot bolt on accessories. Instead, this prestigious journal was suffering from indifference. Nobody but a bunch of egg heads was reading it. However, any researcher approved for publication could expect somewhere between ten to a hundred million in funding, based on the reputation of the JIBS.
JIBS was targeted for telemarketing action by the steering committee of the Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence. Under the visionary guidance of Fenris Badwulf, a team was assembled to infiltrate this publication and assume command and control functions. The hidden agenda was to allow easier and greater access to research money to scientists who had been sidelined up to now. Their research was of personal interest to the stakeholders at a number of profit making and tax paying entities, such as the Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence and its corporate master, Mars-Vulcan Heavy Industries. No more would these gifted scientists be refused research money because of 'ethics' or 'morality'.
The marketing satrap at JIBS was identified, studied, and then converted to our cause: A retired neuro-surgical nurse ... she had been given the marketing job when her hands got too shaky; a post which she has held for some twenty two years now. Bribery being out of the question, cherry chocolate cheesecake, elegantly garnished with laudanum * soon had the marketing department under our control. This allowed us to sign a telemarketing services contract, copies of which were never given to the board of trustees of JIBS.
The full phone power of the Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence was unleashed on this campaign. Instead of selling JIBS proper (admittedly a dull and over wordy publication with too many words requiring training in organic chemistry and too few illustrations of curvy breasts), it was decided to sell the membership list to interested parties. This was a list of the private cell phones and private home numbers of the top ten thousand neurosurgeons on the planet earth. They were easy prey. Top selling items included golf shoe cleat cleaner, Che Guevara surgical slippers, and some bait and switch tours to 'Florence' (Saskatchewan).
After two months, with twenty five percent of the revenue of JIBS now coming from circulation, and fifty percent from advertising, it was only reasonable that the telemarketing and advertising departments have a voice in editorial policy. Few of the decision makers of the JIBS board were present to vote on this important development; instead, they were watching a Blue Jays game at the Skydome in the Mayor's personal box. They were given the full whiskey and whores hospitality that Toronto is famous for. Pictures were taken surreptitously of various debauched acts of intercoupled neurosurgeon-prostitute couples, to ensure co-operation later.
There are two publications now running under the JIBS title. The older title is a boring neurosurgical journal, with circulation under a thousand, and insignifigant tax and postage liabilities. The newer is the hottest soft porn glossy, featuring curvy breasts, teasing hard nipples, slappable ass, as well as some diversionary violence, chromy car stuff, and pictures of food that other people can sell you if you are hungry. Currently, the new JIBS is moving through the economy without having to pay tax or postage, although we do collect it. We just keep it for ourselves, being responsible collectivists. Placed side by side, the old beside the new, nobody can tell that, for tax and postage purposes, they are the same thing.
... to be continued
Stay tuned for the second part of this post, which describes the exciting areas of invasive brain surgery now being researched thanks to the telemarketing infiltration and take over.
I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this at both Mitchieville and DustMyBroom.
Not everyone relies on astrology for financial advice. Maybe it is time for you to join up with the Journal of Invasive Brain Surgery and share in this money making opportunity. Do you hear that sound? That is the sound of opportunity knocking. Send me your money.
posted by Fenris Badwulf at 8:39 AM
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