The Mayor Is Full Of It

I love bringing attention to deals that I feel will help you. It brings me great joy to know that I have brought a smile to that gummy mouth of yours, your happiness is, after all, my main concern in life.

Whether it's finding free appetizers at Boston pizza, getting you amazing deals at Dairy Queen, or rescuing your grandma when she got stuck in the tree, it seems my life pretty much revolves around making you happy. It's okay, the pleasure is all mine.

Now I have a freebie for you that beats all, I can honestly say I have outdone myself. Forget the free appetizers and the 2 for 1 specials on Blizzards, those pale in comparison to what I'm about to tell you. I have something so special that when you find out what it is you might wet yourself. When you find out what I'm about to tell you, there is a good chance that your heart will stop and someone will have to jump on your chest and pound you senseless with their fist. I have something for you of such great magnitude that when you read the words of which I type, the heaven may very well open up and the Lord Jesus Christ himself may appear and bring us all up into his waiting arms.

I can only be talking about one thing, and that is: Free Tampex.

Immerse yourself in them, make them your own. The offer is only available in Canada, it must be that we have more bloody cu....haha, right, this is a family show, let's not get carried away here.

And to top it off, these aren't your run-of-the-mill Tampex either, these are some heavy duty feminine protection, something that maybe a female rugby player would wear. Have a boo at the description of this mighty product:

Tampax Cardboard Applicator – new and improved Tampax.
The new Tampax Cardboard Applicator has 3-way leak protection:

Built-in Back-Up™ Skirt for leakage protections

Absorbent core to fit your unique form

Anti-slip ™ Grip for precise placement

I've have often said that feminine protection products really lacks cardboard, they needed much more cardboard. I'm glad that's solved. And it seems that the new Tampex has some form of a better standard in regards to leakage protection. This is good, a woman can never tell when she'll have a real gusher, and nothing is more embarrassing than being at the Ponderosa when Niagara Falls...so to speak.

Another thing I'm thrilled with is the Anti-slip grip. I hate when the old Tampex were slip sliding around all over the place and the next thing you know, you reach down to adjust it and it's down by your ankles or up near my beautiful manly tits. Seriously, I HATE that.

So there you go, free Tampex for everyone. Today is a great day, I'm a great person and you're lucky to have me as your Mayor, you bunch of ingrates.