Sheryl Crow Is Inventive

Even though she's years late to the scene, Sheryl Crow has finally joined the environmental movement and has asked people to cut back on there consumption of....get ready for it....wait for it....wait for it....toilet paper:

"I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming," Crow wrote.

"Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating.

"I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting."

Crow has suggested using "only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required".

Has anyone ever met a woman who can get away with using just one square of toilet paper per visit? Me either. Sheryl Crow must have a bumhole the size of a pinhead, because all the women that I have known in my life go through about a role of toilet paper every time they have a dump and about a half a role every time they pee.

As for guys? This may work. Before TLDG and I started cohabitating, I use to buy one 12 pack of toilet paper every New Years Eve. That worked out to one roll every month, exactly how much I needed. Now though? Once a month I have a truck deliver 60 skids worth of three ply toilet paper, and I still find that by the end of the week we're out. I don't want to know what TLDG is doing with the stuff, and I figure it's best I don't.

I've always thought that there must be some invisible mechanism women use for dispensing toilet paper. I've always thought that there is a special hook up to the back of the toilet seat where the woman just reaches back, grabs the toilet paper by the square, passes it though her legs and just keeps pulling up through her nether region until the roll is expired. It's operated by invisible belts and pulleys, and unfortunately that's all the information I can share with you about it right now.

I'm right, aren't I?