The Diet Master

Ontario is in crisis. Inadequate health care spending is destroying our multi-cultural rug, undermines diversity like the rising oceans, and limits pay increases and perks for activists. Many voices are heard in many languages from many species protesting this outrage. If only Stephen Harper would increase taxes and borrowing!

A brave few are taking matters into their own hands. Using public funds, activists are diverting money from it's intended purpose to other, socially superior agendas. Here in scenic Mitchieville, The War Against Fat is being won by two courageous activists, Lord Hades and Lady Persephone. Using money from the City of Toronto for Subway Asbestos Removal, a no-fee weight loss clinic has been constructed in the abandoned parking garage underneath St.George subway station.

Curing obesity with a rubber hood and a padlock. Lord Hades, an active member of the fetish community that thrives in the fetish village here in Toronto, the City of Light. Among Fetish-Canadians, the use of bondage, restraints, and torture are celebrated. Lord Hades, and his partner, Lady Persephone, soon recognized the utility of bondage, restraints, and torture in weight loss. Now, thanks to the Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence, a new, publically funded and completely unaccountable entity has been created, like re-assembling a car from parts in a junk yard.

New patients to the Morbid Obesity Clinic of Kensington are initially shown to luxurious accomodations at a private location. After a welcoming propaganda session, they are fed orange-chocolate cheesecake smothered in cherry pie filling. The food is drugged, of course. The fatties are then stripped, hooded and chained, and hidden in barrels for transport to the real diet clinic underneath the Subway.

Ants and Rats. Lord Hades soon discovered that by not allowing people to eat food they lose weight. Lady Persephone added her expertese in cold, dark environments. People rapidly lose weight when they are shivering from cold. Eureka! by chaining patients to a eyebolt set in a concrete wall in a dark, cold setting, by denying them food, they lose weight rapidly! Hurrah! And to give the happy dieters something to do, ant colonies are spread throughout the facility, so the dieters stay awake slapping at the biting red ants and the stinging black ants.

The stronger patients soon find places where there are no ants. With a few sheets of cardboard, they may sleep, until they are attacked by rats (*). A breeding colony of rescued labratory rodents has been placed in the facility. These rats have no teeth, so they are attracted to the bowls of prune mush left just outside of the reach of the patients. Darwin would be proud of this negation of the corrupt Christian concept of morality. It is fun to watch, too.

Lord Hades showed me all this. Many hours of the happy symbiosis between ants, rats, and Obese-Canadians are available for your viewing enjoyment on his paysite. All profits are re-invested into the clinic. Lady Persephone just got a new Bentley (*), so she can run to Office Depot to buy photo-copy paper.

After the Ants and Rats, the Dogs. Lady Persephone runs a shelter for house pets of deceased rich owners. But, sadly, the dogs had nothing to do. They had no puppy dog games to play. They were depressed at the deaths of their former owners and needed something to keep their minds off of their misery. How about chasing prey through the forest? That would put the wag back in the tail. So, Obese-Canadians at the clinic are strapped into a fall-arrest harness (*). An overhead contraption carries the fatties around a track in the second level of the abandoned parking garage. Packs of dogs chase the screaming fatties; the dogs are happy, and the lardlings lose weight. You can watch all this on the paysite, of course.

After a few days and a few pounds of weight loss, the lucky patient is given electro-shock to cleanse the memory, transported back to the luxury clinic, dressed, given a few brochures, and pushed back out onto the street and back to work. Aside from a few nightmares about being eaten by ants, attacked by rats, chased by dogs, or being dipped into ice water by a latex clad double D cup dominatrix, the patients are happy with their extensive weight loss.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this

Filled with care for other people? Why not gift someone you know and love with a visit to the Morbid Obesity Clinic? Show you care by sending someone else to suffer, paid for by other people. Souvenir video available.

cp Dustmybroom, a place of thinness