Those amazing electrons

I have never approached anyone asking for money or endorsing a good or service. So, it is with some gravity and seriousness that I recommend to you the exceptional products and services provided by Tiny Tot Toys and Munitions, a small 'Mom and Pop' engineering firm devoted to fighting Global Warming.

Like most of you, I am sick and tired of Judeo-Christian morality being forced down my throat by an invasive and heteronormative government which only represents a majority of Canadians, and not the collective voices of other Half- and Zero-Canadians. Well now for some good news: you and I can now have access to the toys and labor saving devices that have been forbidden to us for years by these straight white male meanies. In this I refer to electrically based perimeter defense devices.

Electrically based perimeter defense devices: Everyone remembers those neat gadgets that heroes of the resistance to heteronormativism used to fend off the pushy agents of invisible white privilege. Remember in the movie Live and Let Die where Global Warming activist Ernst Blofeld blew up his own secret missile base to prevent whitebreads from using it for evil? Well now you can too ... thanks to the folks at Tiny Tot Toys and Munitions!

As our way of saying Hello, let me recommend to you a simple yet elegant sample of electronic gadgetry that can turn your office or den into a sanctum. The kit comes with everything you need to turn your office door knob into a current carrying conductor. The master electricians at Tiny Tots (Thanks Professor Bob!), send you everything you need: a few wires, a relay, and easy to understand instructions drafted by an english speaking person. You can mount the control button on your desk or underneath, which ever you like: because at Tiny Tot Toys and Munitions, you are the Boss! You can dial in a wide variety of voltages, from a simple ripple DC, or a full blast of 120 volt alternating current.

The Electro-Door Guardsman comes Free with your catalog from Tiny Tot Toys and Munitions. Is it not time that you put the boots to Western Civilization by embracing the forbidden technologies? Say No to Global Warming and Yes to Privacy! I know you will get a charge out of the other kits available, from the Hands-free Stereo Disintegrator, to the X-Ray Microwave for instant cooking.

Operators are waiting for your call. Have your credit cards ready!

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. Offer void where prohibited by law. Cross posted at Dustmybroom for litigation purposes.