The Power of Apology

As one of the worlds best trainers of telemarketers, I frequently tell my Hungry Sales Wolves of the power of apology in selling stuff. I say bravo to that nice woman University President at the University of Pennsylvainia. I forget her name or even how to spell the name of the unimportant American state where she lives like a worm under a porch patio stone. Nonetheless, I found her apology convincing and sincere. As should you, if you are not stupid, like so many in our military.

The Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence stands at the top of your choice of supplemental income careers for the twenty first century. It does not matter who you are: convicted felon or structural engineer, you too can make quick dollars selling stuff on the phone. And you can drink or smoke at your desk in our secret telemarketing centers ... we do not follow the Labor Code, and why should you? Open a beer and make money for a change!

Part of the courses you will take during you stay at the Badwulf School is one covering The Apologetics of Fenris Badwulf. In the course, you practice the art of apology. Apology can be a means to your ends, so it is good to know. Here are a few sample apologies written by the 2B class(the Vegetarian Vigilantes):

... I soon came to realize that I enjoyed beating up people who disagreed with the Word of God. I would grow steadily more angry, listening to their heresy and lies. The first time, I broke out some guys teeth with the hard edge of my Bible. He did not believe in full body immersion as the correct form of baptism. Heretic scum! There was alot of blood. His broken teeth cut his lips. There was alot of blood. This made me become sexually aroused. Later, I masturbated while watching a Madonna video. I am sorry I did that, Judge. I will never do it again. Thank you for letting me out...

... Nobody told me that using electroshock on my roomates was wrong. I did not know. I think I should get credit for making all the stuff, the transformer, the adjustible setting for voltage, amperage, and frequency, the leather harness to hold them still. I solved mathematical equations. I should get that as a factor in mitigation. It cost me money, my money to make it. All that stuff. It even worked! I thought those people needed electroshock. I was doing them a favor. At first I would just sit on them and hold the electrodes on their heads, sort of in the right places. Zap! And then they stopped struggling. Later, I would drug them. I make up my own supply of chloral hydrate. It was fun. I was making a better world. There never remembered anything. I am sorry I did that, Judge. I will never do it again. Thank you for letting me out ...

Sometimes these letters choke me up. I am crying right now. These poor unfortunates. They are sincere and truthfull. Just like University of Pennsylvania president Amy Gutmann's apology. The warmth of their conviction comes at you like the heat radiating off a compost pile.

As you become a telemarketing professional at the Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence, you too will learn to make many fast and large! Apology is but one of the many sales teeth in your jaws of wealth. It is fun to make money again! Apologies, You and Telemarketing! What a team!

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.