A Victim's Perspective

I am a victim of a racist, sexist, heteronormative society. I will not tell you my real name because I live in fear of the police. I am an apartment superintendent in Toronto.

Gun toting gangbangers live in my building, and in the buildings nearby. At first, I was intolerant of their unique culture. I resented cleaning up thier pee, their graffiti, and watching them rape and rob on the surveilance cameras we have in the building. Then I got smart and got a certificate in Racism Industry Studies at Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence.


Now I realize that the police and society are to blame for crime, not criminals. And, I realize that I was not getting my fair share of entitlements. As superintendent, I have control over the mail room, so now I have lots of extra identities and can get the social assistance I need to help me fight racism. I am a newly minted racism activist! Thank you, Fenris!

I live in fear of the police. Tenants in my building call the police because they are robbed or raped or have someone peeing through their mail slot. The police come and humiliate some poor oppressed Looter-Canadian by arresting him. Thank Allah that our courts let them out so fast! But the Looter-Canadians are upset by being misunderstood by the insensitive police. And they blame everybody, they are so mad at social injustice. I am tired of being spit at just because the police leave. The police are responsible, not the spitter.

So, my problem was how to get rid of the gangbangers without getting the police involved. Thanks to Fenris, I took a course from Maximinus Thrax in Problem Solving. We had discussed an article in class about how high frequency sounds could be used to drive away teenagers, but that the sound would not affect older people as they had lost that hearing spectrum because they had jobs. I also observed that cockroaches, when put in a microwave, run around really fast. Maybe the sound waves generated by the microwave could be used to make the Gangbanger-Canadians go away too. They would be much happier engaging in public sex acts and public urination at the library rather than the entrance of my building.

I have a pile of thrown-out microwaves in the garbage room at the building. So, I took a few and Field Modified them. I took off the doors and jury-rigged them so that they could run without the door closed. Then I installed them so they pointed into the entryway of my building. I did the wiring myself by reading a brochure called House Wiring for Dyslexics I got from one of my welfare case workers.

Now the Gangbanger-Canadians have gone! The high frequency sound generated by the microwave ovens (I used five), made them clutch their stomachs and complain about some bad jerk goat they got from the food bank. And I did not have to get the police involved, so society is safe! Whenever more Looter-Canadians show up, I give them a soothing sound bath from the microwave bank ... this makes them happy!

This is one of the many possible solutions to Gangs and Guns. You can Act Locally, Think Globally, and Demand Handouts. Please, tell your Liberal Party candidate that you are going to Vote Liberal, and that you want more internet access, more after school programs, more social spending. Just think of me when you do!


I, Fenris Badwulf, proudly introduces this recent graduate of my Racism Industry School, the nameless politically correct vigilante. You may hear from him soon.