Boom Boom Boom--Out Go the Lights
It looks as if the upcoming wedding between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes has hit the skids. And I can hardly understand it, they seemed perfect together:
As most of you are aware by now, I was opening up Katie Holmes like a tin of tuna long before Tom dragged his weird ass onto the scene. I knew that Tom and Katie would never last because I know exactly what Katie Holmes is like, and what she likes. Katie Holmes use to love the fact that I knew her body like a dermatologist knows a canker sore. I could describe every inch of her body in magnificent detail, there is not one crevice or contour that the tip of my tongue has not brushed up against on her incredible frame.
You see, Katie wants a guy to treat her like a woman, she certainly doesn't want a guy that makes her wear a Lumber-jacket and workboots in the sack, like Tom does. Katie once told me that she was getting weirded out by Tom because when they were in bed together he use to call her Jim. She also hated when Tom would make her listen to Bette Midler tunes while he strutted around the house wearing only women's golf shoes and a pair of lederhosen.
If you think that Tom's love of Scientology is pretty freaky, you have no idea of the stories Katie has told me of Tom's exploits in the bedroom. If they weren't so brazenly disgusting and twisted, they would be outrageously funny. "Hey Tom, here's some advice for ya, you're the pitcher, not the catcher, try acting like one once in a while". I'm not saying that Tom Cruise is gay, but if he changed his name, I'd bet you he'd change it to Gay Gayman.
Tom and Katie's wedding is off, and an angel found its wings
With a new year beginning, Cruise decided to take the opportunity to mend fences with the family of his fiance, Katie Holmes, according to the upcoming issue of Life & Style Weekly. It didn't go so well.I knew she'd come back, they always come back.
Tom and Katie ended up leaving three days earlier than planned, according to a close friend of Cruise. Katie was in tears, but that's standard when it comes to dealing with family matters and Tom.
My honest opinion is that the wedding's not going to happen, a friend of the couple told the mag. Neither one of them seems as enthusiastic as they once did about marriage.
As most of you are aware by now, I was opening up Katie Holmes like a tin of tuna long before Tom dragged his weird ass onto the scene. I knew that Tom and Katie would never last because I know exactly what Katie Holmes is like, and what she likes. Katie Holmes use to love the fact that I knew her body like a dermatologist knows a canker sore. I could describe every inch of her body in magnificent detail, there is not one crevice or contour that the tip of my tongue has not brushed up against on her incredible frame.
You see, Katie wants a guy to treat her like a woman, she certainly doesn't want a guy that makes her wear a Lumber-jacket and workboots in the sack, like Tom does. Katie once told me that she was getting weirded out by Tom because when they were in bed together he use to call her Jim. She also hated when Tom would make her listen to Bette Midler tunes while he strutted around the house wearing only women's golf shoes and a pair of lederhosen.
If you think that Tom's love of Scientology is pretty freaky, you have no idea of the stories Katie has told me of Tom's exploits in the bedroom. If they weren't so brazenly disgusting and twisted, they would be outrageously funny. "Hey Tom, here's some advice for ya, you're the pitcher, not the catcher, try acting like one once in a while". I'm not saying that Tom Cruise is gay, but if he changed his name, I'd bet you he'd change it to Gay Gayman.
Tom and Katie's wedding is off, and an angel found its wings
posted by The Mayor at 10:01 PM
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