Using Astrology to summon an Army of the Undead

A frequent request made to Financial Astrologers is to summon an Army of the Undead to crush a business rival or to manipulate the stock market. Sometimes, even the finest merchant is tempted to unleash a poltergeist against a competing product line, or have a dragon reduce the local eyesore to ashes. Even the average Joe wishes to inflict a plague of moths or the Great Rash on a rival.

Might I suggest that such a course of action is heavy handed. Why use a hammer when a meat cleaver will do?

A superior course of action is to staff your telemarketing department with the undead. There are several organizations that do this, right now, right here in Toronto, the telemarketing capital of the world.

Why are the undead better telemarketers?

a) You do not have to pay them

b) They always stick to the script

c) They frighten your other employees, improving productivity

d) They work best after sundown, the best time for telemarketing

e) They do not eat food, and enjoy disturbing people at dinner

f) Undead Telemarketers are upwardly mobile: we have placed superior zombie staff into Customer Service, Information Processing, and the Cafeteria

The undead are making money for your competitors, why not you?

Sounds good to me. How do I get in on the ground floor of this money making opportunity?

Its simple! Sargon and Associates will supply you with all the zombie telemarketers, undead telemarketing managers, and training you need. Start with a small sales force of twenty, then work you way up to two hundred lost souls of selling power! Our prices are competitive. You will not regret it, in this world or the next!

Contact Sargon the Magnificent for an instant response to all your business needs for astrological financial services and undead staff requisitions.