Helping Africa

I was at my favorite restaurant, a place of happiness and comfort. I was with some old friends, it was like being with family we are so close. One asked me, and this surprised me, ‘What are you doing to help Africa, Fenris?’

Contract work for the United Nations One of my companies supplies furniture and furniture accessories to the UN branch office here in Toronto. I also hold the contract for janitorial services in their building. Every paperclip, pencil, and post it note comes from my stationary services company. To maintain the appearance of an arms length transaction, I refuse to give the UN a discount or credit terms, as this is unfair and racist.

Food for the starving millions in Africa I employ a sales force of three sales wolves to contact the food industry and obtain free donations of foodstuffs. Their sales wolf chieftain co-ordinates with our trucking firm to pick up the food and bring it to our redistribution center here in Erin, Ontario. Here, only those foods that meet our high standards are prepared for shipment to the hungry millions of Africa. But do not worry, nothing goes to waste! Anything that does not make the mark is repackaged and sold elsewhere. This protects the earth from global warming.

Supplies for our Social Workers in Africa Our front line social workers in Africa have special needs. Especially food snacks and diet supplements, which is the specialty of my company. It is very expensive to ship to Africa. A can of cashew nuts costs around twenty five dollars in M’bunga, and usually arrives after its expiry date. Whole olives must be in the can, not in glass jars, so they have to be repackaged into cans. Pretzels must be protected by a sturdy wooden crate. It is not easy to do all this repackaging. The UN pays a hefty price for their front line social workers to have these necessities of life.

Supplies for our Teachers in Africa Our valiant storm troopers on the front line of poverty are our teachers, teaching assistants, teaching administrators, teacher secretaries, teacher librarians, librarian assistants, librarian administration supervisors, and teaching support staff. If we can teach the Africans basic skills, such as Ebonic, Interpretive Dance, and Feminist Critique of Sartre, then they will not be starving Africans. Our people need special supplies to do this. Just the other day, my company obtained the fire damaged contents of a ballet slipper warehouse. They were quality inspected, and those that met the highest standards of charity giving were air freighted out to the Congo. At last, the people of the Congo have the ballet slippers they need to fight poverty and global warming. And our ballet school in Mombassa can fulfill its mandate of bringing Ebonic Ballet to the people of Africa.

So, I Fenris Badwulf am doing my part for Africa. Are YOU?