Elizabeth Barrett Browning gets jiggy with it

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways, Yo.
I love thee like a two bit hoe loves a warm crack pipe on a cold winters night,
I love thee like a restraining order loves Michael Jackson, shit.
I love thee freely, cuz I can't afford to pay for booty;
I love thee purely, cuz dog don't want no Aids and shit.
I love thee so much that I would give you shit back that I never stole in the first place.
I love thee like I love my kids Shakisha, Momeaka, Lodeisha, Rhodesia, and Paprika.
Smiles, tears, of all my life!, and some Value Rite Vodka so we can get lit, yo.
I shall but love thee better after death, cuz if you fuck around on me dog, I'll cap your ass.
Scarborough east side, represent. Peace out yo.