Amazing Science

It is time to think about upgrading your brain.

As you know, the brain really is three brains: two primate brains: righty and lefty; and the amphibian complex or brain stem.

Lets talk about upgrading your amphibian complex. I can teach you how to use meditation, rituals, and amulets to change your amphibian brain into that of the far more advanced snake. Yes, you can now develop your own snake complex. This is good news.

Lets go!

Australia Has Doomed Humanity

A study released last week and reported in the never wrong Globe and Mail stated that Antarctica is melting at an alarming rate and may cause global water levels to rise by 60 meters (180 feet):

One of the biggest worries about global warming has been its potential to affect the stability of the Antarctic ice sheet, a vast storehouse of frozen water that would inundate the world's coastal regions if it were to melt because of a warming climate.

The huge implications posed by the health of the ice sheet have prompted major scientific interest into whether it is growing, shrinking, or stable, with no clear consensus among researchers about its overall trend. But a new study released yesterday, based on some of the most extensive measurements to date of the continent's ice mass, presents a worrisome development: Antarctica's ice sheet is shrinking, at a rate that increased dramatically from 1996 to 2006.

Never known to worry about political correctness, or current global trends, our colonial thief-cousins from downunder have decided to flood the earth and doom humanity by starting daily airline flights to Antarctica.

The statist Australian Civilian Aviation Safety Authority approved the daily Airbus 319 flights, flights that will land on a newly built Firefox style 4 mile long ice runway (video can be seen here), after considering many pertinent safety facts such as fuel requirements and emergency landing sites. It appears though the horrific eco effect of the 8 hour return flights to earths most fragile continent wasn't one of them. Where is the talk of the environment? Where are our Carbon Credits? Where is Algore when you need him? The world demands answers!

How can we blog knowing that our fate has been sealed by a bunch of beer swilling hooligans from Convict Isle? Instead of blogging now Fenris worries about the fate of Marginalized Action Dinosaur as Lake Winnipeg boils over. The Mayor, a blogging giant amoung men, frets over the fate of his waterfront properties in Belize, Jamaica, Hawaii, Madagascar, Texas, Italy and Sarnia instead of writing posts. Australia must be stopped before it is too late. You as a citizen blog reading activist can stop the horror downunder: send Fenris your money - send all of it (PayPal, Visa, Canadian Tyre cash and Carbon Credits accepted).

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Solving problems with Concrete

Last night, I had the opportunity to talk to Doctor Ernst Winkelschlieffer, noted civil engineer, famous for his redesign of the semi-portable concrete traffic barrier tetrahdra ...

Doctor Ernst believes that our Canadian Armed Forces emits too much greenhouse gas, and suggests that a few simple solutions to the complex problem of Global Warming.

The Assault Sled is a concrete tub (boasting both an open top to allow fresh air and sunlight access to passengers, and an open back for easy entry and exit) which is dragged behind any armored fighting vehicle. Simple and easy to construct from concrete and sheet metal, the Assault Sled does not have a carbon dioxide spewing engine. It can transport up to five soldiers (seated) or three (laying down) into most hostile environments. The device replaces conventional motorized transport and emits no carbon dioxide.

Using sophisticated computer modeling methods (in this case, the board game Panzerblitz * , dice, and a calculator), Doctor Ernst is confident that a military equipped with assault sleds would be invincible. Global Warming science shows that if four or eight infantry platoons are allowed to Panzerblitz assault instead of one, then pretty well any tracked vehicle is capable of defeating any opponent.

Like most modern designs, the Assault Sled is capable of multi-tasking. When turned upside down, it provides protection from rain. Its thick sides are capable of stopping all projectiles from arbalest * and petard * type weapons systems, something sadly lacking in our mismanaged Canadian Armed Forces, suffering under the brutal heteronormative rule of the Harperites.

We can only hope that the government spends some research money to show the feasibility of initiating a study to examine the effectiveness of this Earth-friendly technology.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this

Amazing Science

Helping in the fight against Global Warming takes many forms, from telemarketing, to fund raising, to demanding government spending. Now, in the stinking humidity and damp heat of the Ontario fall, anyone can do something to help our Insect-Canadian friends.

Hornet-Canadians come out in droves in the warm weather of the fall. Here is a fun project that you and the kids can do ... Let's make a Hornet feeder!

All you need is a discarded plastic water bottle. Just leave the top off, so our Hornet friends can get in and out. Then, put some sweet stuff inside ... Coca-cola, or Dr.Pepper or Mountain Dew. Just leave the bottle somewhere in the hot sun. Soon, our Hornet-Canadian friends will gather, because they love sweet stuff. It's fun to watch, too.

Now Hornet-Canadians have lower insect intellegence quotient scores than other Insect-Canadians. They feel unaccomodated. Lacking social programs and appeasement from an inherently racist Canadian society, Hornets have evolved over the last five hundred million years, developing compensating behaviours and a culture of resistance. That is, they have jaws like bolt cutters, they have meat hook attachments to their six hands, and they can inject battery acid from their armor piercing stinger.

So, the Hornets, being stupid, get all angry inside the Hornet feeder. Having topped up on sugar, being in a warm environment where all their needs are met, they become furious. When the Hornet stumbles into finding its way out, it leaves the feeder full of food, warmed to the bone, and angry ... As a Hornet-Canadian should be.

You can find other ways to make Hornet feeders. Soon, there will be clouds of yellow buzzing Hornets where ever you make a stash of these feeders!

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this at Mitchieville and DustMyBroom.