Justine Henin Retires From Tennis (it's a sport apparently)

The top ranked female tennis player in the world, Justine Henin, retired from tennis today at the age of just 25:

She said she felt it was the end of the road and that her body didn't heal as well as when she was younger.

Fair enough.

Here's a little information about what Justine has accomplished in her few short years on planet earth:

Henin captured every major tennis event, with the exception of Wimbledon. She even helped tiny Belgium win its first and only Fed Cup title back in 2001 and was a two-time winner of the prestigious year-end Tour Championships.

"Pound for pound Justine is the greatest player of her generation," said WTA Tour founder and tennis legend Billie Jean King.

I think the most amazing thing about all this, the thing that is so incredible, so astonishing, is the fact that I have never heard of this pug-faced little troll.

Colour me wondrous

Friday Female Flesh

It was a sad day in the Reginaldson house last Saturday when my modem crashed and I was left without home Internet access. Sadness turned into gloom when one of Bell Sympatico's finest minds in Bombay told me it would be a few days before I got a replacement modem. Gloom turned into despair when I got home late Wednesday and I found out my modem was at the Post Office but the damned Post Office isn't open at 10:30 at night. Despair turned into sheer panic yesterday after I plugged in the new modem and still no connection! A sacrificial offering in the name of Set and another call to Bell this morning and BOOYAH - I'm back.










Logan and I are going with a theme this week which I'm sure the more perceptive of you will figure out right away. It sucks to be Logan btw (heh heh). He may be in Vegas today, but I got to go to Mississauga on Wednesday for work (if there is anything more exciting than a 5 hour meeting at an airport hotel in Mississauga I don't know what it is). After the meeting my boss took us to supper at a new restaurant called Canyon Creek. After falling in love with my waitress (hi Tia!) I fell in love with a 16oz Pork Chop that was smothered in this tasty ligonberry sauce. I have no idea what a ligonberry is or where it comes from - it sure as hell isn't native to Belleville - but it is damned tasty! With no Internet access for the week I didn't have time to find new Female Flesh pics so I stole the pit pics above from our sister blogger Ice. If you find yourself at Canyon Creek this weekend try the Pork Chop and tell them that the guy from Belleville sent you. Oh, the Brownie and Vanilla Ice Creme for dessert is to die for.

Go Bulls Go!

Friday Night Female Flesh

I did something I don't normally do today: work. I've been working a Sunday - Thursday schedule for the past 7 years and rarely ever work on Friday. After the day I had I've come to the conclusion that working Friday sucks. I'm sure I'm not the first person to ever think of this and can't help but think that if we had a Lord Mayor who lived up to his officious sounding title a by-law would have been passed years ago mandating a 4 day, 32 hour, Monday - Thursday work week. I can't help but think that a *BITCH* Mayor would be more amenable to an easier shorter work week because the women of *BITCH* don't like work hard and tend to enjoy their down-time.

I have no idea who the golfer in on the left is but she seems to have the perfect form for a female golfer. I have no proof, but I am somewhat sure that the girl on the right is our golfer girl in casual attire. Either way you - you the men of Mitchieville - win. Golf and Girls, the only thing missing is beer and music. Check back later as I'm sure Lisa "Hillary-Rodham" Foggy has a Man Flesh post in the works.

I apologize

I apologize for stating that there was a photograph circulating on the internet of Jiri Tlusty giving oral pleasure to a fellow male and for suggesting that such photograph exposed Mr. Tlusty's secret life.

I feel so bad that I would like to fisk my own apology. Please bear with me, as my glasses are fogged up with tears.

I apologize for stating that there was a photograph circulating on the internet ...

Quite so. It appears to be all over the covers of newspapers. So, I was wrong to say that the photo was on the internet. This is an error of fact. I can even prove I was wrong:



It appears that the photo was not on the internet, but on the cover of the Toronto Sun. An entirely different media, as different as an orange is from its fellow fruit, the apple. And, of course, the newspapers have it on their websites, too (here for example).

... of Jiri Tlusty giving oral pleasure to a fellow male ...

Moving on in my catalog of errors, we now deal with the issues of a) oral, b) pleasure, and c) male.

a) Oral. From the photograph we can see that the tongue to lip contact is suggested, but not emphasized. Perhaps tongue, lip, or maxillofacial would be more accurate. The breast squeezing that appears to be implied has been ignored, too. I am sure the judge at the libel trial will lecture me on my poor command of english at sentencing.

b) Pleasure. There is no concrete way of knowing if both participants are feeling pleasure. There is doubt, or doubt can be created through suitable telemarketing methods. Only interrogation of both parties could establish if both are feeling pleasure. I doubt that Jiri will testify that he was experiencing pleasure when this picture was taken, which will prove that I was wrong.

c) Male. Living in Toronto, close to The Rainbow Village, one should never assume that just because someone assumes the outer attributes of the male role, does not mean that their birth gender is the same. Indeed, the 'male' here could be a cross-dressing female, or even a mannequin (such as found here * ). So, we must doubt the evidence of our senses.

Therefore, I was wrong to assume that Jiri was having pleasure whilst doing whatever was being done (certainly not oral) with this creature (possibly not human, and certainly not male) of indeterminate gender.

... and for suggesting that such photograph exposed Mr. Tlusty's secret life

This, I now sadly realize, is wrong in so many ways. Let me elaborate on just one of the errors in this sentence fragment, to show how crushed in spirit I am. This cannot be a secret life if one is snapping pictures of oneself. You can read all the lurid details here * . Obviously, it is anything but secret. So, I was wrong. Infact, Jiri Tlusty is now a media star, just like Paris Hilton. There is nothing secret to see here.

I am ignorant of Canadian Law. My background is in Roman Law. So when I read in the scary letter I got from Jiri's lawyer that

This posting is an invasion of Mr. Tlusty's privacy and places at risk Mr. Tlusty's ability to make a livlihood with the Toronto Maple Leafs Hockey Club.

This spoke to my heart. Especially after reading that the Toronto team had rallied behind Jiri. Everyone knows about the Roman emperors Maximinus Thrax (murdered by the Senate * ), Aurelian (murdered by his own troops * ), or the two emperors Trebonianus Gallus and Gaius Vibius Volusianus (murdered by their own troops at the same time * ). So that the fact that the team is rallying behind him does not mean that they are rallying behind him, but that they are plotting to get rid of him (which would encompass placing '... at risk Mr. Tlusty's ability to make a livlihood with the Toronto Maple Leafs Hockey Club').

Another aspect of Roman Law is the privilege that comes with wealth, fame, and power. While Jiri Tlusty does not have power (in the form of a private standing army), he does have wealth and fame. When Jiri unleashes his legal team against me, I do not have the resources to resist him. I will lose in court, and will be ruined financially for life. Having met the first of his demands, that the offending verbage and link be removed, I now face the next assault from his well-financed team. I am doomed. Roman culture is filled with examples of the mighty squishing the weak. Jiri is wise to go after small fish such as myself, and leave the big, powerful entities alone. These non-pictures, that do not show anyone having oral pleasure with anything that could be considered male, are proudly displayed, and continue to be, by those entities that are of our cultures powerful senatorial class. They have the means to fight for their freedom of speech, and I do not. As for an unimportant worm such as myself, I am squished, like the Dacian warlord Decebalus *. I have no wealth, I have no fame, and, or course, I have no armaments.

As I said, I apologize.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

For your amusement, while you listen to the Lions roar and wait for me to be dragged into the arena, the pertinent linky links:

Jiri Tlusti--I'm Sorry

"Lusty Tlusty" High Sticks Mitchieville

Jiri Tlusty, victim and victimizer

Is That Jiri Tlusty In The White Shirt?

"Lusty Tlusty" High Sticks Mitchieville

As can see by the letter above you won't be able to czech out pictures of Mitchieville's favourite Toronto Maple Leaf, Jiri "Lusty" Tlusty anymore. The Mayor received the letter above a few hours ago and being the poor law abiding citizens we are, our noble Mayor removed the images from our blog. We can only guess that 'Lusty' is a hockey player who skates softly but likes to carry a big stick.

I read yesteday that the pics were originally posted to a Facebook profile. Hmmm, I have the pics saved to my hard drive, and I have a Facebook profile (Reg Reginaldson). If only Mitchieville had a Minister who went to law school and could advise as to the legality of posting the pics to Facebook...

The original linky links:

Is That Jiri Tlusty In The White Shirt?

Jiri Tlusty, victim and victimizer

Can "Lusty Tlusty" Handle His Stick?

Jiri Tlusti--I'm Sorry

As you can see by the letter above (click to enlarge), I have received a cease and desist by Jiri Tlusty's lawyer, asking us to remove his picture and any offending link(s) that refer to him. Failure to adhere will result in *injunctive relief proceedings*.

The picture and link(s) have been removed.

I want to say how sorry all of us are at Mitchieville for posting the semi-naked picture of Jiri on our site. On behalf of all the writers at Mitchieville, I would like to apologize to Jiri Tlusty and ask his forgiveness. Jiri, we're sorry.

I would also like to apologize to Jiri's lawyer, a Mr. Jerome Morse. I am sorry we have created all this work for you, I can only hope and pray that somehow you will be compensated fairly. I know that most lawyers hardly make enough money to keep their heads above water, and I know this has probably cut into the time you probably spend every day on more worthwhile causes, like evicting old people from their homes, or chasing ambulances. Once again, I am sorry.

Finally, I would like to apologize to the internet, Jiri's camera phone that made this all possible, Jiri Tlusti's horrible judgement, and of course, Jiri Tlusti's penis. Without all four of those factors, this would never have happened. I am so personally shamefaced that Jiri has access to a computer, a camera phone, the brilliance of a lawn gnome and the duncity to send pictures of his penis over the net in a day and age where anyone with a pulse and a living brain cell knows that anything you send over the net is going to come out one day for everyone to see.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Oh, and Go Leafs Go!

"Lusty Tlusty" High Sticks Mitchieville

Can "Lusty Tlusty" Handle His Stick?

Jiri Tlusty, victim and victimizer

Is That Jiri Tlusty In The White Shirt?

Fenris' Cease and Desist apology

Paula Creamer And Her Perfect Stroke

Paula Creamer is a professional and it's obvious she knows exactly what she's doing. Look at the way she is manipulating the shaft...working it, stroking it, getting the perfect feel for it. The two-handed approach speaks volumes about what a consummate professional she really is. The grasp she puts on the shaft with her right hand combined with the delicate touch she's exhibiting with her left hand makes me feel that she has held hundreds, if not thousands, of shafts in her hands before. You can tell that she is slowly working her way down to the head, where she will, no doubt, show as much care and attention as she does when she has her hands warmly wound around the shaft.

Work the head, Paula Creamer, work that head.

Hehe, *Creamer*...what are the chances?

Is That Jiri Tlusty In The White Shirt?

Wow, I think from now on it's only appropriate that Green Bay fans are known as *The Fudge Packers*. Witness the malcontent in the bottom right corner holding on to the Fudge Packer player like they're on their honeymoon. It's like buddy is falling off a cliff and hanging onto a branch for dear life.

There's a reason why these guys wear cups...

Next--Jiri Tlusty, victim and victimizer

And--Can "Lusty Tlusty" Handle His Stick?

Can "Lusty Tlusty" Handle His Stick?

If playing for the Toronto Maple Laughs Leafs isn’t embarrassing enough, rookie centre Jiri Tlusty has nude photos of himself on the internet to take his humiliation to a new level. The photos were apparently taken last season when “Lusty Tlusty” was with the Sault Saint Marie Greyhounds of the OHL. Nekkid hockey players taking pictures of each other doesn’t make them gay, but that sure as hell don’t mean that they aren’t either. Playing for the Leafs, that is gay.

Go find the links to the smutty photos yourself.

Next--Jiri Tlusty, victim and victimizer

And--Is That Jiri Tlusty In The White Shirt?

'Lusty Tlusty' High Sticks Mitchieville

Jiri's Lawyer Sends The Mayor a Cease And Desist

Fenris Gets A Cease and Desist and Issues Apology

Jiri Tlusty, Victim And Victimizer

As you read this, tears are streaming down my face. My hands are shaking with rage. My feet are clenched in my slippers. I am outraged that people are expressing a viewpoint that contradicts political correctness.

For a long time, activists have been demanding that the heteronormative sport of hockey be remade into something more acceptable to non-hockey fans, especially ones who have no experience of the sport, do not speak english, and think that Canada is a racist shithole. Hockey has alot about it that does not appeal to many of the cultures found within the village peoples of the global village. The worst aspect of it all is that the sport requires ability, which means that Oppressed-Canadians are under represented in the sport. Most of the fans are heternormative, or worse, white.

Now, at long last, comes an incident that gives us hope that the unsolvable problems of oppression, slavery, and racism can finally get more social funding. There is controversy over Jiri Tlusty.

This is good news. But is Jiri Tlusty really a homosexual? How can he be gay when he does not support politically correct causes? The mere physical act of male on male sex does not define one as gay. To be gay, you have to be:

Openly support politically correct causes

Openly oppose anti-politically correct causes

Have claim to victim status through skin color, expousing a non-christian religion, gender related issues, or whatever can make a socialist cry.

Jiri Tlusty is not a member of any acceptable socialist party in Canada, so he cannot be considered gay.

This is not a victory for the gay rights lobby. No more funding will flow into the palms of activists so that they can demand more funding. There will not be more photo-copier paper to print memoranda about being caring. No more telemarketers will be hired to raise awareness about Global Warming.

If Jiri Tlusty wants to get on the politically correct bandwagon, if he wants to help people like Al Gore, Al Sharpton, or Jack Kervorkian, I suggest he renounce his heteronormative ways and join a socialist political party, and support socialism. What he does in his bedroom is no business of the people (unless applying for a fire arms permit), so all he has to do is wear a Che t-shirt, look sad when meeting gangbangers, and support the destruction of Western Civilization.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

Next--Can "Lusty Tlusty" Handle His Stick?

And--Is That Jiri Tlusty In The White Shirt?

"Lusty Tlusty" High Sticks Mitchieville

Jiri Tluski's Lawyer Sends The Mayor a Cease And Desist

Love (those) 40--DD

Ballgirl, Maria Santiago, at the Madrid Masters in Spain, suffered two black eyes, a swollen jaw and a puffy face, after Rafael Nadal and Carlos Moya hit the ball into the net an unpresidented 347 times at an ATP tourney in Spain over the weekend.

At this rate, I might just get into tennis...whatever the hell that is.

Vote Mitchieville for Best Canadian Blog--Until November 8-07

Wonder Woman Unveiled

I've had quite a few emails asking who this Wonder Woman character really is--This is American Beth Mattek, 22, and she didn't lose yesterday at Madison, she won in straight sets.

The push-up bra is a nice touch to the costume. The giant man-sized pipes is slightly arousing, but her face looks like some form of meat that has been in my fridge for 6 weeks. Good job men don't care about the face.

Game, Set, Match

In a stunning upset at the US Open today, Wonder Women was defeated soundly by nemesis Baroness Paula Von Gunther in a straight set victory.

See, Wonder Woman, she was never really on your side. That's what you get for helping out the Nazi's.

Here's the true identity of this large breasted super-hero (with another pic)

Michelle Wie gets the Shaft

Professional golfer, Michelle Wie, is shown here smashing in the skull of Sport's Illustrated writer Michael Bamberger.

For those of you not familiar with the story, Michelle was disqualified from the Samsung World Championship last weekend after Michael Bamberger ratted out Michelle for a drop ball that she inadvertently placed inches ahead of where she was legally allowed to play it.

Wie was said to be in a meeting. No one understood what sort of a meeting it could be until, more than an hour later, journalists heard a whisper that Wie was in talks with rules officials about the way she positioned her ball after admitting it was in an unplayable lie in a bush on the 7th hole in her third round.

An hour after that, the worst was confirmed. Robert O. Smith, a rules official with the LPGA, said that on Sunday afternoon a spectator reported his concern about the position in which Wie had dropped her ball the previous afternoon. The spectator was later revealed as Michael Bamberger, of Sports Illustrated, who was covering the story for his magazine.

And she would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids. Right Scooby?

It's no longer acceptable for the media to cover a story, now they have to create the story.

Bamberger, who questioned Wie on Saturday, was said to have spent a restless night wondering what to do before an editor convinced him to take his concerns to the LPGA officials on Sunday.

Oh cry me a river you lying sack of shit. He didn't spend a restless night wondering what to do, he only figured out what to do when his editor told him it would be a boon to the magazines ratings if he narced out Michelle Wie.

Sport's Illustrated and Michael Bamberger would like to have you believe that they faced a serious ethical question and that by ratting out Michelle Wie they did the professional thing. Bullshit.

It wasn't Bambergers place to rat Michelle out, he's a reporter covering the event, not a spectator, not a judge, not part of the hired grounds crew, he's a journalist. A journalist is there to answer 5 basic questions: who, what, where, when and why, nothing more and nothing less. It's not his place to alter the events of a major sporting event, it's his job to report them.

There is nothing ethical about Bamberger did, he's nothing more than a rat. You know what they do to rats in prison, Michael? Yup, they play *hide the snausage* with rats. Are you looking to be anally intruded by a giant man named Bubba? You're well on your way.

Don't let Sports Illustrated and Bamberger fool you, this is all about ratings and zero about ethics. If it was about ethics, Bamberger would have told officials what had happened on the day it happened.

The bottom line is that Bamberger should have shut his festering food-hole and let events unfold as they naturally should have.

Article of Michael Bamberger, the rat, can be found here.