An Olympic Moment With The Mayor

Over the last week or so, much has been made about the Chinese governments decision to replace a 7 year old girl singer with a prettier seven year old singer who lip-synced her way to the hearts of our global village peoples during the opening ceremonies at the Beijing Olympics. Some folks have said this is yet another example of the lengths Beijing took to get a perfect start to the Summer Games. Others have claimed this just proves that the Chinese government, and even their society, is based on nothing more than lies. To me, what the Chinese government did was not only acceptable, but mandatory.

You see, the Olympic motto is "Swifter, Higher, Stronger", it's not "Uglier, unsightlier, gruesomer". That repulsive child who sports a face like it got caught in a car door would be well in remembering that.

I don't think I'm telling any tall tales when I say that the lip-syncing girl--who did a bang-up job btw--was a pretty little thing, a beautiful child. On the other hand, the child that lost out on singing in the opening ceremonies looks as if she got beaten by the fists of an angry lumberjack. If looks were dollars, lip syncer would be Bill Gates, while girl 2 would be eating dirt soup and sleeping in dirty cardboard boxes next to the fish mongers and smelly men whose arms twitch.

It is up to the Chinese government to make sure that the Olympics are safe for the public, viewing public and otherwise. This includes keeping our vision safe. If we were subjected in having to watch endless minutes of a repelling child singing, this could easily throw retinas into disrepair forever--and then we would hold every last Chinese person responsible for that. Hooray for the Chinese government to recognize that the offensive, disfigured, Chinese toad-girl could have a negative physical affect on our persons.

Thank you Chinese government officials for your progressive views on the ugly and repugnant. I, as well as other forward thinking peoples get what you're saying, and it is AOK with us.