The Unpleasant Future

Is your future unpleasant?

Will worldwide shortages of oil lead to the respawning of the Napoleonic Wars, but on a global warming scale?

Do these headlines frighten you? Select the most emotionally frightening headline.

A) China’s turn to colonize Africa.

B) German rearmament. Underground factory cities, making armies of Tanks to fight for the last pools of oil.

C) Bush orders mass arrests, and suspends Congress.

D) Icebergs from Global Warming choke the sea lanes.

The correct answer is D)

Now, try the real question … of the seven horrifying futures below, select the one that best describes your most satisfyingly horrible experience:

1) Strange fungus disease spreads from deep mine located to quarry into ancient asteroid impact debris. Spreads rapidly by trucks carrying coffee shop supplies. You are in a small town in Ontario that survives through martial law under the leadership of a charismatic postal official who establishes a popular polygamy friendly patriarchy.

2) Secret military unit tasked to track and shoot down UFO’s linked to Conservative party fundraising. Commander of unit is frequent dinner guest with Harper and Flaherty. Only you have the photographs, garbage based documents, and journalistic conjectural skills to concoct the pieces into an excoherent whole.


3) Christians declare charismatic Alabama preacher to be Jesus reborn, and then seize the nuclear arsenal at Little Rock. Local Minuteman IV base commander supports claims. Millions of fanatic sympathizers across the city where you live. They either have guns, or are having them smuggled into your city. They practice small unit tactics at church, every Sunday. Someone you know is a member.



4) Genetically engineered soldiers designed to fight UFO invasion troops are harvesting harp seal pups to make gloves for officers uniforms



5) American presidential campaign issue is about the invasion of Canada. A Canadian Military cabal has been keeping secret from the Americans for two years crashed UFO technology. It is some sort of Mind control device located on satellite, and triggered by rye whiskey. You are a horrified observer as the madness spreads.


6) A cloud of asbestos dust, released by a bungled Montreal hospital demolition, drifts over rural Connecticut. The area is sealed off by troops, and the people trapped inside are left to die slow horrible deaths from asbestos. You are one of them… Trapped in hell when you are taking the shortcut to your cabin in Maine.


7) Benevolent space aliens, patterned on Star Trek, show up and set up a fusion powered welfare state. All productive labour is done by robots and Vulcan social workers. You are going back to school … for the rest of your long, long, healthy life.




Your explanation, and not your selection will be graded for seventy five percent. Selections are given part marks, so it is impossible to receive a perfect score, unless you can successfully argue for the optimal three of seven combination of disasters. Papers will be marked in red ink, and returned to examinees after a cursory one-hundred and eighty second marking flourish by the hung over, Chlamydia infested graduate student.