Telemarketing today, February 29, 2008.

Lucky you. Tonight the Hungry Sales Wolves at the Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence unleash a new telemarketing campaign. Will you be one of the lucky ones to be called when you are at dinner? Sitting on the toilet? Having sex? Drop your mouth shovel, wipe your ass, and put aside your puppy hood and rush to the telephone.

This weeks campaign is to Help the Hungry Homeless.

The Homeless in Toronto are dying of hunger. They have nothing to eat. They are too weak to fight off tuberculosis. They are too poor to buy any but the expensive smokes you cannot afford to buy. Crazed with worry, their bodies swell up with obesity. They have no where to urinate but in the subway, public transit, and on the door of your car. Nobody does nothing for them, all the time.

Only fascists and racists hate the homeless, and for the next six weeks the Red Wolves Telemarketing Team will be calling you at home, and at work, and on your cell, asking you just how much of your money you want to take away from your children, your pension, and your food budget, and give to the Red Wolves Telemarketing Team.

Help with all your money and stop homelessness in Toronto.

Here is what your money gives to my telemarketers:

A donation of twenty dollars gets a pizza for the sales staff.

A donation of fifty dollars gets a tank of gas for the telemarketing shift supervisor.

A donation of one hundred dollars gets us enough paper and glue to put you on our ‘postage due’ direct mail campaign for a full calendar year.

A donation of two hundred dollars gets a night out at the pub with a whore for the top Sales Wolf.

Remember, at the Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing Excellence we respect the privacy of your financial information. Your money is a sacred trust … we treat your money as if it is our own. Nobody has access to our calling list but us, the Red Wolves Telemarketing Team. We form a circle of protection around you and your dollars. We are watching. Because we care. And we care because we know that you care about whatever it is we are calling you about this week, because every week it’s a different thing to care about, and caring is what is it is all about, so stop feeling guilty, stop thinking, and continue giving.


Is that the Red Wolf Pack calling? Keep your credit cards by the phone.


If you act quickly, receive as my gift to you the booklet The Complete Philosophy of Collectivism. Lavishly illustrated with graphs and charts, in color and crayon, this 22 page document tells you what you need to know.