Is This The End Of Global Warming?

The respected US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration have concluded that concerns over the levels of melted sea ice may have been premature:

Ice levels which had shrunk from 13million sq km in January 2007 to just four million in October, are almost back to their original levels.

Figures show that there is nearly a third more ice in Antarctica than is usual for the time of year.

They add that snow cover across the area is at its greatest since 1966.

That's great news, I knew that using less plastic bags would stop global warming. Good for me, good for you, but most of all, good for the children.

However, all this great news may not be such great news after all:

However, vast swathes of the world have suffered chaos because of some of the heaviest snowfalls in decades.

Really? You know, I've been hunkered down in my solar powered bunker for so long that I really didn't notice. Hold on a second and let me have a peak outside my thermal, triple paned window--Holy crap, there does seem to be a sprinkling of some white substance on my lawn. Fenris told me that it was ashes from Lake Winnipeg. You mean to say that's snow? Let me measure how deep this snow-like substance is. Wow, four and a half foot of snow. That's a lot of fucking snow.

Thank goodness I quit drinking bottled water and reduced my greenhouse gasses by not farting.

Thank you, global warming. You're the best friend a guy could have.

Next--What happened to Kate Moss' face?