Bubble Gum is Performance Art

Recently, during the non-Christian Festivals and Rituals I attended, I was reminded of the lack of Urban Fortification in the city of Toronto.

As a salesman, infact the Telemarketing Sales, Service, and Sabotage Department Manager (ab gladio) at the Mitchieville Public Library, I make it my business to encourage fear and undermine confidence in the Greater Toronto Housing Market. You can choose to believe me, or not.

Let us get past the Why and get to the What You Can Do About It.

You need the confidence that comes from sleeping behind steel plate, concrete, and lead paint.

You need your own source of electricity. One you can control yourself.

You need a Bunker, designed and built by Helm's Deep Homes *.

Your own generator. Your generator runs on biofuels ... cooking oil! Now your neighbours food can be used to run your laptop, airconditioner, and shower.

Your own air recycling plant. A state of the art 1945 German submarine air re-cycler. You can stay sealed in for as long as you want, depending on how big a recycler you choose to install.

Your own mighty food reserves. Big freezers, full of food, and plenty of them!

And when the day comes that you do decide to return to the surface of the Earth, what are you going to be driving to town. How about one of these ... made in London, Ontario, too! I have sold twenty of these in December. Your neighbours have tanks, why don't you?


And do not forget about the whiskey, women and lots of guns!

Call now and with your credit card handy.