The Canadian Zoo

Torture is wrong! Bad Americans! But Canada is not American, so what is wrong for them is not-wrong for us!

Is it true that something I just make up in my mind, using conjecture, the mental science of our irrational neighbours ancestors, could be true?

The first person to be fed to the wild beasts was some real estate promoter. He had screwed over that nice guy Mirvish on an investment. Now, he was hanging on a chain, rolling down a clothes line on a clothes-line pully, right towards a collision course with a sleeping bear. The bear had a bad tooth and was a bad tempered social welfare Canadian bear. It was sleeping in a nest of boxes and cardboard that was trash from the candy factory. Of course, the guy screamed and swung around as he rolled towards the bear. The bear sort of woke up, but was too busy yawning and licking its paws to hear the screaming primate roll down upon her. There was a wet thunk, like hitting a watermelon with a base ball cap.

Meanwhile and but, the screaming did wake up the feral dogs who lived in the People's Dog Pound ... the place where people-biting dogs were kept on disability pension. They snapped at the doomed soul and made him scream more. A high leaping poodle got a fang lock on the calf of his right leg.

Of course, the bear woke up. In October, in Ontario, forest bears always smell their worst. Its like sun ripened soggy carpet with dog pee. The bear startled and shit himself ... a gush of fresh fruit digestings, studded with pits and husk fragments. Our victim just rolled on, lucky, and stinking.

from Nuts and Bolts, the Grade Two reader

This is what Stephen Harper is bringing to Ontario.

I, Fenris Badwulf, left these scribbled notes on a stained kitchen napkin. Posted at both Mitchieville and DustMyBroom