Total World Domination

Like all activists, I am a victim. I was victimized in my youth. The other kids made fun of me because I wanted to control the world. I sought Total World Domination. Like my heros of the time, like Caesar, Napoleon, and Sauron, I sought to enforce my vision of utopia on my fellow man. The other kids made fun of me. My feelings were hurt. I was a victim, in a way transcending the petty oppressions of being black, or gay, or not breast fed.

I soon learnt not to talk about my ambitions for world conquest and crushing opposition under a polished jackboot. I found other like minded individuals and schools of thought that explored my particular drives and ambitions. So called tyrants, such as Stalin, appealed to me. Stalin and I share the same birth date. This lead me to a study of astrology, and thence to the darker arts of the occult sciences.

The skeptics among you will titter and snicker at such things as occult sciences, but I do not care. I have studied astrology, and hence alchemy, and hence mesmerism, and hence hypnosis. I have applied what I learnt using the scientific principles of observation and reduplication of experiment. I keep a journal (a secret journal of darker experiments and horrible results worthy of H.P.Lovecraft). Upon learning Mesmerism I began to experiment with human lives, to my own suffering and joy. Yes, I dabble in the forbidden sciences. I work in darkness. I walk among your children, I infiltrate your schools, I undermine your armies, and I listen to your phone conversations.

I have come to the conclusion that I, of all the people I know, know what is best for my fellow man. You may laugh at my supposed megalomania, but the fact is that I am best suited to be the caring care giver for society. I know what is best for each and every one of you. In the absence of a divine providence that you can turn to for guidance, your best hope is me. You are not qualified to make this decision so I will do it for you, in darkness, in secret, in the privacy of your bedroom when you are at work. I read your mail, every chance I get. I know better than you.

Surely an appeal to reason is not called for here. I am aware that the three methods of motivating the primate species is Reason, Reward, and Fear. I appeal to your Reason. Surrender your free will to my control, because it is Reasonable. Surrender your free will to my control, because I will shower you with candy and trinkets. Surrender your free will to my control, or I will squash you like the crawling insect that you are.

I am Fenris Badwulf. I was born at midnight with an exact conjunction of Saturn and the Sun in the sign of Capricorn under Mars upon the midheaven. If you know what this implies, tremble and prostrate yourself. Just do what I tell you to do and all will be fine. Market forces be damned; The invisible hand of that Adam Smith guy is so much piffle. Just send me your money. Hurry.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.