The Evil Apprentice (06/15/2006)

In order to appeal to working class voters, Fenris shares with you tales of angst from one of his lost sheep sales-wolves, who has renounced telemarketing for electrical apprenticeship. Go figure.

Today I get to work at the shop. Here I met Hans (not his real name to protect his identity). Hans is a strapping six foot six, blonde, and blue eyed. He has a star shaped scar on his right cheek, running from his chin to his temple. The first thing he told me was that he was Swiss, and he speaks with an East German accent. I know accents, as I spent some time in Kitchener-Waterloo, where I got an ear for German dialects, as well as a touch of Polish and Wilmot-Scottish.

Hans does technical work for the firm. He wears East German pattern cameoflage fatigues, scuffed but comfortable combat boots, and a VolksGrenadier watch. He favors black berets, as opposed to the more popular green ones worn by the staff. He can curse fluently in Portuguese, which he speaks with a slight Angolan accent. There is no evidence to believe that Hans is really a renegade East German mercenary who is hiding out in Canada on a bogus tourist visa.

Competition in the Electrical Industry.

The Company does alot of big box stores, wiring in plugs and lights. But they have competition. Fenris asked me how they dealt with competition. Here is what we did last week:

One of our electricians, Rob (not his real name to protect his identity), hid up in the storage area in the back of the store with a high powered air rifle. Rob wears a distinctive green beret. My mission was to prepare a hole in the wall between the storage area and the sales area a few nights before. I had to saw through a few thicknesses of drywall and give Rob a way he could see out into the store. The hole is way up high and you would not notice it in the store.

That evening, Rob hid himself inside a large crate that was labeled 'waterbeds'. Inside the crate was a pallet, some communication equipment, and some of Rob's favorite chocolate covered dog kibble which he likes to eat. He had a specialty high powered air rifle too which he had modified by one of his gun club friends. From the crate he could see through the hole in the drywall into the store.

My second mission was to put some drops into the other guys coffee. According to the files that Hans (not his real name) had on these guys (biography, picture, and financial information), these guys would leave their coffee in the electrical room when they went out to run some wires. I do not know what was in the drops. Hans just made his usual low frequency laugh when I asked. Rob told me not to ask when I asked.

Anyway, that evening, Rob used his silent air rifle to shoot out a sprinkler head real close to where these guys from the competition were doing some electrical stuff up close to the ceiling. There was water everywhere when the sprinkler head gushed water all over the merchandise. There was exposed live wiring too, it got all wet and made some impressive sparks and ka-booms. The store manager was in tears.

I do not think the competition will be getting much business in future. The company I work for will probably get it.

Fenris has a buy recommendation on my company now.