Dude Looks Like a Lady

THIII-Guardian of Mitchieville's southern consulate, has sent me a shocking article today, something this will no doubt scare the bejeebus out of you.

New Orleans has seen its share of terrible problems in the last decade, whether it be massive government corruption, horrible political leadership, the ravages of hurricane Katrina, or their completely shitty football team. But that all pales in comparison to this evil:

They survived Hurricane Katrina's Category 3 winds and the ensuing looters. They reopened despite the long odds of doing business in a devastated city. The last thing the Magazine Street shop owners expected to threaten their survival was a crime ring of transvestites.

They're fearless, said Ogle. Once they see something they like they won't stop until they have it. They don't care, they'll go to jail. It's really gotten bad. You know it's ridiculous when everyone on the block knows who they are.

The transvestites first appeared in March when they raided Magazine Street like a marauding army of kleptomaniacal showgirls, said Davis, using clockwork precision.

Yes, dear Mitchievillians, "a marauding army of kleptomaniacal showgirls". If that doesn't scare the crap out of you, then you have no heart.

With the motto of "Give me stilleto's or give me death", these cross-dressers will stop at nothing for the chance to accessorize:

Sometimes they come dressed as men, though Bonga said it is obvious who they are based on their delicately plucked eyebrows. Sometimes they bring 2-year-old children to add to the level of distraction. They once returned to Vegas holding an infant that really was a Cabbage Patch doll wrapped in a blanket.

One time I heard they even dressed up Tinky Winky in baby clothes to fool the retailers, as I said, they will stop at nothing:

When Lewis co-owned Trashy Diva, they attacked one of her partners in the French Quarter location, throwing her to the ground and tossing a heavy mannequin on top of her.

They're kind of confused because they think they're women so they don't mind hitting women, but they're dudes. If you get hit by one it's like getting hit by a dude.

Why those rotten bitches!

This begs the question: If dude is really a chick, and dude hits a real chick, is it okay to kick dude in the snatch?

I've developed a massive migrane, I'm going to go lay down for a spell.

That aint no way to treat a lady