Batman Reviewed

As Mayor of the 49th fastest growing community in N.E. Durham Region, Ontario, I don't get a chance to go out and see very many movies in the theatre, the affairs of Mitchieville are all consuming. If there's a movie I really want to see, I just wait for someone to videotape the flick at the Googaplex and give me an illegal burned copy.

I do want to see the new Batman movie though. I've read all the reviews, and from what I hear, it sounds pretty good. The only person who didn't seem to like the movie is film critic, Liam Lacey at The Globe and Mail , or as I'm now starting to refer to the paper as, The Glob and Pail.

Liam whines and complains about this and that and the other, typical whiney film critic crap, but then he comes up with this sparkling gem of film critic brilliance...

Genuine opportunities to explore a political context -- the obvious post-Sept. 11 references to white powder, terrorist attacks and the political manipulation of fear -- are wasted.

Say what? Huh? Come again? This is Batman we're talking about here, not Fahrenheit 9/11. The majority of Batman fans are children, do you really think they want to watch a movie that explores the political context of terrorism? Liam, did you fall down and bump your head?

Tell me, how the hell does a *film critic*, as if that's a real job in the first place, suddenly turn into a political analyst? Do we really need in-depth political opinions from a guy that usually writes "it made me laugh, it made me cry, three out of five stars"? Stick to stuffing your face with *real buttery popcorn* and soda and critiquing wardrobe like you're suppose to do, no-one in God's green earth cares about anything you have to say other than Katie Holmes is hot, which she is, burning sun-dripping hot.

Does anyone really go to a Batman movie hoping that it explores the political ramifications of American foreign policy? Of course not, we go there to see Batman kick some evil guy in the nuts. And to see Katie Holmes, have I mentioned how hot she is?

Hollyweirdo's and their ilk like to pretend that they're *deep*, like they know what they're talking about. I'm here to tell you, I'd rather talk politics with the guy that strolls up and down my street in the ice cream truck. At least the ice cream guy has a real job.

I suppose it's time to rate Liams *Glob and Pail* article. I give it two thumbs down, and one middle finger up.

H/T to Bumf Online.