Top 10 interrogation techniques not approved by Donald Rumsfeld

1. Giving a detainee one Lays potato chip, but never two.

2. When shaving a prisoners face, they give him the quite unfashionable "goatee".

3. Pouring regular tap water on a prisoners head instead of pure Desanti.

4. Puppet shows that built up to an edge of your seat climax, but never had a satisfactory ending.

5. The sign in the prisoners cell that was suppose to point to Mecca really pointed in the direction of a Burger King.

6. Giving the prisoners a Koran, but when opened up it was really Penthouse Letters.

7. Telling a prisoner that Arabs just killed 500 worshippers coming out of a Synagogue, and then saying right after "just kidding".

8. Letting the prisoners eat M&M's, but denying them the red ones.

9. Telling the prisoners that on movie night they will be watching The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, but when the movie comes on it's "Spaceballs".

10. Giving prisoners shirts with a sign on the back that says "kiss me I'm Jewish".