Something wicked this way comes

Have you had a chance to read your horoscope that Sargon the Magnificent posted last night? No? What the hell is the matter with you, it could change your life for crying out loud.

Last week Sargon predicted this for me;

Someone close to you is plotting your destruction … you know who it is, but your gentle feelings are stopping you from doing the right thing. Poison them.

Of course he was dead on right. I do have gentle feelings, masked of course by a completely studly body, but that's not the point. The point is, someone was plotting my destruction, someone very close to me, and I did take the necessary steps to have this person *put down*. Sure, on the outside I'm all roses and sunshine, but when some little cock tries to plot my destruction, I get bent out of shape.

This week should be interesting. Here's Sargon's predictions and advice for me in the upcoming week.

A stranger knows your secret, but does not know how important it is. Find him. Stop drinking the juice from the tuna can.

I find it simply amazing that I was in fact seconds away from drinking juice from a tuna can, but I happened to see his post, and I put the can down. I looked into the can and what did I see? A fucking earwig. That's right, a dirty filthy earwig just dying to crawl down my throat. I immediately drained the can and grabbed the earwig, I found a nail and Jesused the thing to my wall, so other earwigs will see what will happen when they fuck with The Mayor.

From here on in I'm heeding all of Sargon's advice, I'd be a fool not to. You should also heed Sargon's advice, it just might stop insects from fornicating in your belly.