Poetry Also Sucks

I've been in a real funk lately, I just can't seem to snap out of this bad feeling I have. As you know, usually I'm an upbeat, happy kind of guy, but lately I've been nothing short of being a bitch.

I decided yesterday that I'll read some poetry and take my mind off of things, but it didn't help. Here's an example of one of the poems that didn't help me in the least.

If All the Raindrops

If all the raindrops
Were lemondrops and gumdrops
Oh, what a rain that would be!
Standing outside, with my mouth open wide
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
If all the raindrops
Were lemondrops and gumdrops
Oh, what a rain that would be!

If the raindrops were lemondrops and gumdrops, and you stood outside with your mouth open, you'll get your face smashed in. Can you possibly imagine the carnage lemondrops and gumdrops would cause if they fell 22000 feet from the sky? Kids would be spitting out teeth like Chicklets.

If all the snowflakes
Were candy bars and milkshakes
Oh, what a snow that would be!
Standing outside, with my mouth open wide
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
If all the snowflakes
Were candy bars and milkshakes
Oh, what a snow that would be!

Is it any wonder why our children are so obese? I just can't get the image out of my head of children frolicking in the chocolate snow, eating like little pigs, clogging their arteries. If you went outside when it was snowing and opened your mouth and a O' Henry bar fell into it, I guarantee it would choke you to death. Food isn't a game for God's sake.

If all the sunbeams
Were bubblegum and ice cream
Oh, what a sun that would be!
Standing outside, with my mouth open wide
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
If all the sunbeams
Were bubblegum and ice cream
Oh, what a sun that would be!

Now I'm angry. What kind of stupid poem is this anyways? It's like it was written for kids or something. I quit, I can't take it anymore, I'm going to go binge drinking for a week.