Nurse Kate Heals Mitchieville

My dear denizens of Mitchieville, let me start this instalment by sharing with you a bit of quirkiness from my job.

Now, it is well established that hospital food is near-inedible. Never in my life have I seen a place that can destroy something as simple as a sandwich or Jell-o. Seriously, how do you screw up Jell-o? However, it is a little known fact that food arrangements are meant to confound by their arrangement and not just their quality. For instance, the supper served to our hapless patients last night.

When I opened the top of the tray to assist an elderly gentleman with his meal, I was puzzled at the dish set before me. At first glance, it was a typical hospital meal: a fillet of deceptively solid looking salmon, potatoes pureed enough to be administered intravenously, and some green slop that may or may not have been a vegetable (spinach?). What puzzled me greatly about this was the piece of bread placed under all of this smack-dab in the middle of the plate. It could not be that the other constituents were meant be served upon this bread like an open face sandwich as they were all 50-60% off of the bread. It was more like someone had placed the bread in the middle of the plate, forgotten it was there, and placed the nights meal upon it. I looked at other trays to see if this was a one-off oddity, but the same thing was repeated with each room. I can only assume that we have some very, very odd people working in our kitchen that are given free license to create their own menu. Granted, this was better than lunches “Tuna Fish and Marshmallow on a Flip Flop”, but it still leads me to suspect that such food choices are made for the sole purpose of creating such a surreal environment that out patients feel uncomfortable enough to leave.

So, in the spirit of deciphering the undecipherable, I challenge you to figure out what the hell these signs are trying to say. I have my suspicions, but like all things in medicine, it’s always good to call in a consult.


I think this cat just told me to kill myself.


Who told you about my stickiness?


So....uh....who do I ask?


Truly, disco is dead.

Nurse Kate Heals Mitchieville

Well, nurse Kate has been busy with a lot of long shifts, but I have wiped the poop off my shoes, cleaned the vomit out of my pocket and am quasi-ready to go.

Before I begin however, I will give you the answers to last week's long forgotten quiz: In short, DMorris got them all right except for the first one, which was nutmeg. Remember, it was a SPICE garden. Nutmeg is derived from the seed of the nutmeg fruit, but the fruit itself actually contains compounds that act as a mono-amine oxidase inhibitor (which our mentally ill denizens may recognize as a very old-school anti-depressant). In larger doses, its effects are somewhat akin to MDMA.

1) Andrew has taken up tanning. After handling a batch of goat hide, he notices a small painless blister on his arm. After two days it becomes itchy like a bug bite and is joined by several other itchy bumps around the original site. After 3 days, blisters form which pop to reveal necrotic skin underneath. He also notices that he has a fever, and the area under his arm on the affected side is sore and tender to the touch. What does he have?

2) Chris loves raw shellfish. Several hours after eating a plate of them, he suffers from terrible diarrhea. In fact, he starts to poop out a thin, white watery substance after everything else is already gone. He is also vomiting, and suffering excruciating leg cramps. What doe he have?

3) Dave is a hemophiliac that comes into your clinic. He has been feeling very tired lately and has developed strange black and purple spots on his torso. He also says his mouth always tastes kind of musty and he has white buildup (trick question alert: this is three comorbid diseases presenting at once). What does he have?

4) River Rat is a pretty sedentary fellow who has packed on a few pounds. After a long stint of video games, he notices his calf is very sore when he moves it and tender to the touch. The pain goes away if he doesn't flex the muscle, however the skin is red and the leg is swollen. What does he have?

Nurse Kate Heals Mitchieville

Nurse Kate is back and ready to frazzle your brains this fine Wednesday. In regards to last weeks questions, DMorris was right on all of them. It seems I have taught him too well.....

Today’s afflictions are based on exposure to environmental poisons and eating of none-too-clever items.

1. DMorris found a lovely apricot-like fruit in the spice orchard. After eating two of them he is suffering from hallucinations and feels most unwell. What did he eat?

2. Patrick samples some chocolates in a shady apothecary that specializes in aphrodisiacs. After eating a few, he notices burning blisters on his mouth. As the chocolates pass through him, he suffers bleeding in the stomach and a terrible caustic urine that blisters his genitals. What was in the chocolates?

3. TC has been visiting a small African village and eating a lot of manioc root. It takes a lot of repeated soaking and drying to prepare, so he has decided to just eat it straight out. After a dinner of manioc, he suffers weakness, headache, vertigo, confusion, and difficulty breathing. What was in the manioc?

4. Alice has been traveling abroad and staying in a very old hotel with lovely dark green paint on the walls. After staying for a week, she has developed abdominal pains, diarrhea, weight loss, and insomnia. She is finally rushed to the hospital after having a seizure. What environmental contaminant has she been exposed to?

Nurse Kate Heals Mitchieville

So, Mitchievillians, it seems you fancy yourself quite the smarty-britches. However, I must note that in your broad experience from guessing the nerds of the animals kingdom to spotting uncannily attractive transvestites your record has been spotty. Hence, I bring you a bona-fide challenge designed to tickle your cerebellum without causing any "cognitive dissonance". I bring you: What The Hell Do I Have?

Guess what this person has based on the case studies below. The ones for this round are all infectious diseases and unrelated in terms of endemic environment and severity.

1) Fenris went down to visit his cousins in New Mexico. While he enjoyed his stay in the trailer park, he complained that the constant rains kept him indoors a lot and the mice disturbed his sleep. He got back a few days ago, and has developed what at first seemed to be a cold, but has now rapidly become a very serious pneumonia. On auscultation, his lungs sound very "wet". What does he have?

2) The Mayor has just completed a tour of Africa's most charming villages. While on his trip, he enjoyed spelunking and exploring the wilderness. Upon is arrival home, he complains of intense joint pain and is extremely fatigued. You notice that he has developed a petechial rash on his extremities. What does he have?

3) Lisa, 38 years old, comes into the emergency ward with extreme pain in her ear. She thought she had an ear infection and was prescribed antibiotics, but they haven't helped. Now there are red welts on her affected ear and some of the skin is sloughing off. Every time she hears a loud noise it causes her to vomit violently. What does she have?

4) Steamboat McGoo comes into your clinic very upset about a skin infection. He nicked the back of his hand yesterday, and the tiny cut has become inexplicably painful. On inspection, the site is red, swollen, and extremely painful to the touch. The redness extends about 2inches from the 1/4 inch cut. He says the redness spread very quickly from this morning and he is feeling sick and weak. On examination, he is running a high temperature. What does he have?