Horoscope for the week of July 21, 2008

The sun completes its stay in Cancer this week, transforming from cardinal water into the fixed fire of Leo. This happens on Wednesday. And when this happens, note where the moon is transiting ... which sets the tone. The mixture is noted for remote viewing and automatic handwriting. If you choose, you may experience any of a number of psychic phenomena this week.

Aries: Pay attention when you return to your place of work and find that some work has been done and you have no recollection of doing it. Lucky Aries, the helpful spirits are doing your work for you this week.

Taurus: A succubus will come to you this week. The raw sexual attraction will tickle your socks. Your legendary prowess in the arts of pleasure will be reflected back, and for once, it will be you, Taurus, who lies in a sweaty lump, slaked and spent.

Gemini: In a book that is most familiar to you, you will find a treasure map. There will be two pages. It will be written on aged paper, and parts are in code. If you were born at night, you will enjoy the solving of the mystery far more than the treasure. If you were born during the day, the treasure will please you most.

Cancer: Take off your clothes and dance naked in the beams of the sun. Do this before Wednesday noon. You will receive a delayed communication about an ongoing interest of yours, and a most welcome gift of sweets!

Leo: Things are moving forward for you on several fronts, but you will feel impatient. The peasants are slow to process the paperwork. Your good luck becomes fantastic after noon on Wednesday. Keep your 'I won the lottery' shoes polished.

Virgo: Only your sign could appreciate the field modifications needed to turn internal corporate documents into an Ouiji board. And only you can appreciate the use of being able to communicate with the dead in matters of pension eligibility, vacation planning, and travel tips.

Libra: Twice this week you will find that your gas tank has been filled by mysterious forces. At least once before noon on Wednesday, and once after Wednesday. Pay attention to the radio, as it can be tuned to listen to the future.

Scorpio: If you conceive a child during a thunderstorm, well, you know what will happen. You will find a strange piece of metal in your back yard which is some debris from a crashed UFO. You can use it to win at cribbage.

Sagittarius: Move forward your plans to rob the bank to this week. The manager will be sleepy from the dozen apple fritters you so generously placed in the staff fridge. Do not hurt your back hefting the bags of money.

Capricorn: Utilize that classic Capricorn management method and allow your enemies to destroy themselves while you watch. You will learn something new every day, which may sting your fingers, but will fill your purse.

Aquarius: You are being watched. An entity wishes to borrow your body for some nocturnal adventures. This explains why you wake up tired, with your clothes worn, and a strange lover in your bed. Your partner and your new lover will fight over the toaster.

Pisces: The fog is strongest in the strongest sunlight. Someone has placed a spell on you. Infact, at least three spells from one wizard, or one spell each from three wizards. Turn your hand to automatic handwriting, or, automatic handwriting will happen and you should pay attention to what you have written.

I, Sargon the Magnificent, wrote this.