Michael Vick is Being Sued For $63 Billion

No, he's not being sued by Dr. Evil, although the person that's suing him is most definitely evil (but not a doctor). An South Carolinian inmate is suing Vick, and had some pretty damning evidence to back up his claims:

Jonathan Lee Riches filed the handwritten complaint over "theft and abuse of my animals" on July 23 in the U.S. District Court in Richmond, Va.

Riches alleges that Vick stole two white mixed pit bull dogs from his home in Holiday, Fla., and used them for dogfighting operations in Richmond, Va. The complaint goes on to allege that Vick sold the dogs on eBay and “used the proceeds to purchase missiles from the Iran government.”

The complaint also alleges that Vick would need those missiles because he pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in February of this year.

“Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” Riches writes in the complaint.

Riches wants $63 billion dollars “backed by gold and silver “ delivered to the front gates to the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina. Riches is an inmate at the facility serving out a wire fraud conviction.

Wow, who woulda thunk that Michael Vick is not only an animal abuser, but a God-damned terrorist.

Get your checkbook out right now, Mr Abdul Al Mohammad Vick, that boy has got you dead-to-rights.

And yes, I did see that the inmates last name is Riches