Big Doctor is the answer

Via Little Tobacco, obesity is now an epidemic in Canada:

Fat people are costing the health care system millions of dollars. In the hysteria following the announcement there were calls for separate sections in restaurants for fat people, a ban on fat people in airplanes and even a complete ban on fat people in public places. These hysterics are misplaced. Fat people are not evil; they are the victims of capitalism, trans-national corporations such as McDonald’s, and globalization in general.

Do not despair! Big Doctor has a solution. Here are just a few of the ways we can save the one tier health care system:

* Exercise should be made mandatory. Each Canadian should be fitted with an electronic device to register their daily activity. The same device can be used for identification purposes when they do their mandatory weighing in.

* Exercise is not enough if people are eating incorrectly. To regulate consumer food purchases and consumption a system of food rations will be implemented.

* To combat the improper food black market, paper money will be eliminated and a system of electronic credits will be implemented. The State will monitor all expenditures for the sake of your health. All radio & telecommunication signals from non-government sources will be blocked to prevent fast food advertising.

* An epidemic calls for fast action. We will confiscate all improper food. Rights under the Charter will be "temporarily suspended” to allow for unfettered and arbitrary search and seizure.

* Those convicted of fat crimes will be sent to “health clubs” where they can work off that fat through forced labour.

Go read the entire solution. The health of the nation depends on it.

I, Lisa, multicultural resident of London and Mitchieville, remind you to vote for me on December 25th because I will issue more important public service announcements than the Mayor and Fenris. I care more than Jesus.