Helping the Homeless

The Homeless man was urinating off the subway platform when it happened. There was a loud boom and flash as the plasma event re enacted The Sun. The Homeless person was frightened! Plasma contributes to Global Warming; vaporized urine is a Greenhouse Gas. The Subway was stopped during off peak rush because of this. Were you one of those affected?

I was outraged when I learned of this. Why are there no warning signs on the subway: Danger, Do Not Piss upon The Third Rail. How was this oppressed unfortunate to know? Nobody told him.

The EMS gave The Homeless Man a teddy bear and a bag of candy. I waited with a tear in my eye, packed in like primate canned meat, as the Fire Department gently laid the Homeless Man into a foamy padded stretcher, and tucked a pillow under his head, and his knees.

There is no awareness campaign. Anyone could be electrocuted when they are urinating off a subway platform. The public has a right to know. TV advertising should be bought, a CBC documentary produced, and an episode of Corner Gas made.

Where are the Street Nurses to conduct Workshops? Where is the diaper drive for the Homeless? Even if we cannot give everyone diapers (yet!), surely we can use our meager supply to make our most vulnerable people safe from randomly urinating upon a high amperage conductor of electricity. Taxpayers performing community service can sing songs of love of the environment as they sort garbage, especially as they harvest the squishy bounty of ammonia that is hidden like a pirates gold in our diaper filled landfills.

The Homeless Diaper Drive will make our streets safe for the Homeless. Green Diapers, made from Mother Earth's cactus fibre and Man's polyester, will clothe our Homeless, and provide a GPS tracking signal. Advanced versions contain a microprocessor capable of on-person video and audio surveillance. Combined with mandatory garbage sorting for social misfits. a brave new world is in the making.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.