Nicole Ritchie Doesn't Want a Last Meal

At first glance, it looks as if Nicole Ritchie is coming out of a grocery store with a bag full of groceries. The eyes can deceive, my friends, the eyes can deceive. For you do not actually see Nicole Ritchie carrying groceries, she is actually carrying a bag full of paper bags.

You see, it is physically impossible for a woman that small to carry any weight above 3 pounds. That would cause her to buckle under the enormous pressure. As it stands, her shanky legs can barely tolerate carrying 1.5 pounds of paper bags. Look at her poor kneecaps, they are ready to explode, she is obviously straining, she is quite possibly heart attack material.

We can only pray for Nicole Ritchie, she will soon meet her maker. The Lord himself stated that man cannot live by bread alone, and Nicole Ritchie wasn't smart enough to heed the word of the funkiest, coolest cat the world has ever seen. Therefore, the end is nigh for her.

I only met you a handful of times, Nicole, but you left quite an impression on me. I will miss your anorexic body, your horse face, and the times I spent mule kicking you into submission. Sleep well, my princess, and may we meet once again inside the pearly gates.